city an' they round thim up in th'
counthry.

"'It is not always nicessry to kill a Filipino American right away.
Me desire is to idjacate thim slowly in th' ways an' customs iv
th' counthry. We ar-re givin' hundherds iv these pore benighted
haythen th' well-known, ol'-fashioned American wather cure. Iv
coorse, ye know how 'tis done. A Filipino, we'll say, niver heerd
iv th' histhry iv this counthry. He is met be wan iv our sturdy
boys in black an' blue iv th' Macabebee scouts who asts him to
cheer f'r Abraham Lincoln. He rayfuses. He is thin placed upon
th' grass an' given a dhrink, a baynit bein' fixed in his mouth
so he cannot rejict th' hospitality. Undher th' inflooence iv
th' hose that cheers but does not inebriate, he soon warrums or
perhaps I might say swells up to a ralization iv th' granjoor iv
his adoptive counthry. One gallon makes him give three groans f'r
th' constitchoochion. At four gallons, he will ask to be wrapped
in th' flag. At th' dew pint he sings Yankee Doodle. Occasionally
we run acrost a stubborn an' rebellyous man who wud sthrain at me
idee iv human rights an' swallow th' Passyfic Ocean, but I mus'
say mos' iv these little fellows is less hollow in their pretintions.
Nachrally we have had to take a good manny customs fr'm th'
Spanyard, but we have improved on thim. I was talkin' with a
Spanish gintleman th' other day who had been away f'r a long time
an' he said he wudden't know th' counthry. Even th' faces iv th'
people on th' sthreets had changed. They seemed glad to see him.
Among th' mos' useful Spanish customs is reconcenthration. Our
reconcenthration camps is among th' mos' thickly popylated in th'
wurruld. But still we have to rely mainly on American methods.
They are always used fin'lly in th' makin' iv a good citizen, th'
garotte sildom.

"'I have not considhered it advisable to inthrajooce anny fads
like thrile be jury iv ye'er peers into me administhration. Plain
sthraight-forward dealin's is me motto. A Filipino at his best
has on'y larned half th' jooty iv mankind. He can be thried but
he can't thry his fellow man. It takes him too long. But in time
I hope to have thim thrained to a pint where they can be good men
an' thrue at th' inquest.

"'I hope I have tol' ye enough to show ye that th' stories iv
disordher is greatly exaggerated. Th' counthry is pro-gressin'
splindidly, th' ocean still laps th' shore, th' mountains are there
as they were in Bivridg