k or somebody
akelly as good to pull his tie sthraight, hand him his gloves, an'
haul his coat down whin it gets up over th' collar. An' ivrybody
cudden't do it, mind ye. It had to be done be th' right party,
whose folks had done it f'r other kings. I've been readin' about
it an' I've come to th' con-clusion, Hinnissy, that th' Scotch
nobility is mos'ly dayscinded fr'm tailors.

"Annyhow, these here mighty questions was all decided accoordin'
to th' rules iv th' game, whin wan day I read in th' pa-aper: 'Th'
king dines with Wall sthreet magnates. Jools missin' fr'm th'
crown.' Ye see, th' hat had not been out f'r a long time an' whin
they come to get it fr'm th' box, 'twas found that manny iv th'
vallyable gems in th' band was missin'. I don't know whether 'tis
thrue or not, but 'tis said that th' ancesthors iv th' prisint
king, bein' hard up, was used to pick a jool out iv th' hat iv a
Saturdah night an' go down to Mose at th' corner an' get something
on it. An' whin times was slack an' th' ponies backward, they
cudden't get th' jools out, so they cut a piece fr'm th' window
an' pasted it in. It looked f'r awhile as though th' king wud
have to be cawrnated be a glazier. They cudden't find th' tickets
high or low. It wudden't do to cawrnate him in a glass hat, an'
there was gr-reat thribylations, but Pierpont Morgan come along at
th' right moment an' give thim a handful iv his unimportant jools
an' th' hat was properly decorated. Fr'm that time on we saw that
if we were to get th' worth iv our money, we'd have to do th' job
oursilves, an' ivrybody turned in to help our depindant cousins.
Andhrew Carnaygie lint Wistminsther Abbey which was superbly
dicorated with tapestries lint be J. Pierpont Morgan; Yerkes lint
thim th' sthreets; Frohman th' theatres; th' American syndicate
give thim th' use iv th' river, an' a hundherd thousand lile
American hearts an' lungs lint thim a pathriotic howl that made
th' king jump ivry time he heerd it.

"An' th' American duchesses! Were they there? Look in th' pa-apers.
I sometimes wondher whin I read th' palajeems iv our liberties
whether an English nobleman iver marries at home. Is it a law
that prevints thim fr'm marryin' thim fresh-faced, clear-eyed
daughters iv ol' Albion or is it fear? Annyhow, th' American
duchesses is about all there is to it in London. They were at th'
cawrnation, ye bet. They were th' cawrnation. They bore th'
thrain iv th' queen. No wan can l