all ye can say
about him. Iv coorse, he thinks marredge is goin' to change th'
whole current iv his bein', as Hogan says. But it doesn't. Afther
he's been hooked up f'r a few months, he finds he was marrid befure,
even if he wasn't, which is often th' case, d'ye mind. Th' first
bride iv his bosom was th' Day's Wurruk, an' it can't be put off.
They'se no groun's f'r dissolvin' that marredge, Hinnissy. Ye
can't say to th' Day's Wurruk: 'Here, take this bunch iv alimony
an' go on th' stage.' It turns up at breakfast about th' fourth
month afther th' weddin' an' creates a scandal. Th' unforchnit
man thries to shoo it off but it fixes him with its eye an' hauls
him away fr'm the bacon an' eggs, while the lady opposite weeps
and wondhers what he can see in annything so old an' homely. It
says, 'Come with me, aroon,' an' he goes. An' afther that he
spinds most iv his time an' often a good deal iv his money with
th' enchantress. I tell ye what, Hinnissy, th' Day's Wurruk has
broke up more happy homes thin comic opry. If th' coorts wud
allow it, manny a woman cud get a divorce on th' groun's that her
husband cared more f'r his Day's Wurruk thin he did f'r her.
'Hinnissy varsus Hinnissy; corryspondint, th' Day's Wurruk.' They'd
be ividince that th' defindant was seen ridin' in a cab with th'
corryspondint, that he took it to a picnic, that he wint to th'
theaytre with it, that he talked about it in his sleep, an' that,
lost to all sinse iv shame, he even escoorted it home with him an'
inthrajooced it to his varchoos wife an' innocint childher. So
it don't make much diff'rence who a man marries. If he has a job,
he's safe.

"But with a woman 'tis diff'rent. Th' man puts down on'y part iv
th' bet. Whin he's had enough iv th' convarsation that in Union
Park undher th' threes med him think he was talkin' with an
intellechool joyntess, all he has to do is to put on his coat,
grab up his dinner pail an' go down to th' shops, to be happy
though marrid. But a woman, I tell ye, bets all she has. A man
don't have to marry but a woman does. Ol' maids an' clargymen do
th' most good in th' wurruld an' we love thim f'r th' good they
do. But people, especially women, don't want to be loved that
way. They want to be loved because people can't help lovin' thim
no matther how bad they are. Th' story books that ye give ye'er
daughter Honoria all tell her 'tis just as good not to be marrid.
She reads about how kind Dorothy wa