k it over they ain't th' lot iv diff'rence between th'
mos' ordhinry, flat-footed elbow that iver pulled wan leg afther
another to mornin' roll-call an' th' gr-reatest gin'ral that
iver wint through a war behind a band on horse. They both belong
to th' race iv round-headed men. Whin ye lenthen th' head iv a
man or dog, ye rayjooce his courage. That's thrue iv all but th'
bull-tarryer an' th' Turk. Both iv thim fight like th' divvle.
Th' jooties is much th' same but th' polisman's is harder. Th'
polisman has to fight night an' day but th' sojer on'y wanst a
month. A man's got to be five foot nine to get on th' foorce.
He can be five foot eight an' get into th' army through West Pint,
or three foot two an' get in through th' War Department. Didn't
Mike Gilligan take more chances whin he wint up to th' patch where
Red Starkey was holdin' th' fort with a Krupp gun an' took him be
th' hand an' pivoted with him out iv a window, thin me frind
Fearless Freddy win he assumed false whiskers, pretinded to be a
naygur an' stole little Aggynaldoo out iv his flat? Ye wudden't
expict a pathrolman to be promoted to be sergeant f'r kidnapin'
an organ-grinder, wud ye? An' Gilligan didn't ask f'r lave iv
absence an' go down town to th' Union Lague Club an' tell th'
assembled mannyfactherers iv axle-grease what ought to be done
with th' wather taxes. No, sir! What happened to Gilligan was at
roll-call th' nex' mornin' th' Loot says: 'Officer Gilligan, in
capturin' Starkey, ye reflicted gr-reat credit on this precinct
an' ye'er own bringin' up. But I want ye to know, officer, that
this important arrist is no excuse f'r ye goin' out an' loadin'
ye'ersilf to th' joo-pint with Hannigan's paint. Th' nex' time
ye miss pullin' ye'er box, I'll have ye up befure th' thrile boord.
Put that in ye'er pipe an' smoke it, Mike Gilligan.' An' Gilligan
blushed.

"No, sir, between th' two, th' polisman's life's th' hard wan.
He can't rethreat f'r reinfoorcemints or surrindher with all th'
honors iv war. If he surrindhers, he's kilt an' if he rethreats,
his buttons comes off. He gets no soord fr'm Congress whin he
brings in Starkey be th' burnin' hair iv his head. If he's promoted
to sergeant, he's sure to be bounced be th' first rayform
administhration. He takes his ordhers, carries his stick iv timber
up hill an' down dale undher th' gleamin' stars, has nawthin' to
say but 'Move on there, now,' an' if his foot slips another
round-headed ma