n pushes him into a cell an' a impartyal jury iv men
that's had throuble with th' polis befure convicts him heartily.

"Now, suppose Gilligan's father whin he was young had looked him
over an' said: 'Agathy, Michael's head is per-fictly round.
It's like a baseball. 'Tis so pecoolyar. An' he has a fightin'
face. 'Tis no good thryin' to tache him a thrade. Let's make a
sojer iv him.' An' he wint into th' army. If he'd done there what
he's done in th' patch, 'tis Gin'ral Gilligan he'd be be this
time--Gin'ral Gilligan stormin' th' heights iv San Joon Hill;
Gin'ral Mike Gilligan suspindin' th' haveas corpus in th' Ph'lippeens
an' th' anti-impeeryalists at home; Gin'ral Mike Gilligan capturin'
Aggynaldoo, an' he'd do it with bare hands an' without th' aid iv
a mustache; Gin'ral Mike Gilligan abolishin' th' third reader;
Gin'ral Mike Gilligan discoorsin' to th' public on 'Books I have
niver read: Series wan, th' Histhry iv th' United States.' If his
foot slips an' he grows a little cross with a pris'ner iv war on
th' way to th' station an' dhrops his soord or his club on th' top
iv him, is he up befure th' judge an' thried be a jury iv his peers?
Officer Mike, yes; Gin'ral Mike, no. Gin'ral Mike has no peers.
He raceives a letther notifyin' him that he has broken a human
skull divine an' th' reg'lations iv th' army an' must be thried.
'Who will me brave frind have go through with this here austere
but hail-fellow inquiry?' 'Oh, annywan will do. Anny iv th'
gallant lift'nants iv me brigade will do,' says Gin'ral Mike. So
th' Gin'ral is put on thrile an' a frind iv his addhresses th'
coort. 'Gintlemen,' says he, 'th' question befure th' coort is
not so much did our gallant leader hammer th' coon as whether our
flag wanst stuck up where we have wathered so many precious citizens
shall iver come down. (Th' coort: 'No, no!') That's th' pint.
What do th' people at home who know nawthin' about this here war,
excipt what we tell thim, what do they mane be subjectin' this
here hayro, gray an' bent with infirmities but pretty spry at that,
to this ignominy? He has fought f'r thim an' what have they done
f'r him? In more thin wan year he has on'y risen fr'm th' rank iv
captain to brigadier gin'ral an' his pay is less thin twinty times
what it was. (Here th' coort weeps.) I ast ye, I ast ye, ye fine
little boys, is it meet an' proper, nay, is it meat an' dhrink f'r
us, to punish him?'

"An' th' coort puts th' vardict iv acq