ong, facts in thimsilves that proved to me cultivated intilligence
that he was guilty. I followed him in me mind's eye to his home
an' there chained to th' bed leg is Dorsey's dog. Th' name iv th'
criminal is P. X. O'Hannigan, an' he lives at twinty-wan hundhred
an' ninety-nine South Halsted sthreet, top flat, rear, a plumber
be pro-fission. Officer, arrest that man!

"That's all right," said Mr. Hennessy; "but Dugan rayturned th'
dog las' night."

"Oh, thin," said Mr. Dooley, calmly, "this is not a case f'r
Sherlock Holmes but wan f'r th' polis. That's th' throuble,
Hinnissy, with th' detictive iv th' story. Nawthin' happens in
rale life that's complicated enough f'r him. If th' Prisidint iv
th' Epworth League was a safe-blower be night th' man that'd catch
him'd be a la-ad with gr-reat powers iv observation an' thrained
habits iv raisonin'. But crime, Hinnissy, is a pursoot iv th'
simple minded--that is, catchable crime is a pursoot iv th'
simple-minded. Th' other kind, th' uncatchable kind that is took
up be men iv intellict is called high fi-nance. I've known manny
criminals in me time, an' some iv thim was fine men an' very happy
in their home life, an' a more simple, pasth'ral people ye niver
knew. Wan iv th' ablest bank robbers in th' counthry used to live
near me--he ownded a flat buildin'--an' befure he'd turn in to bed
afther rayturnin' fr'm his night's wurruk, he'd go out in th' shed
an' chop th' wood. He always wint into th' house through a thransom
f'r fear iv wakin' his wife who was a delicate woman an' a shop
lifter. As I tell ye he was a man without guile, an' he wint about
his jooties as modestly as ye go about ye'ers. I don't think in
th' long run he made much more thin ye do. Wanst in a while, he'd
get hold iv a good bunch iv money, but manny other times afther
dhrillin' all night through a steel dure, all he'd find 'd be a
short crisp note fr'm th' prisidint iv th' bank. He was often
discouraged, an' he tol' me wanst if he had an income iv forty
dollars th' month, he'd retire fr'm business an' settle down on
a farm.

"No, sir, criminals is th' simplest crathers in th' wide wide
wurruld--innocent, sthraight-forward, dangerous people, that haven't
sinse enough to be honest or prosperous. Th' extint iv their
schamin' is to break a lock on a dure or sweep a handful iv change
fr'm a counter or dhrill a hole in a safe or administher th' strong
short arm to a tired man takin' home his l