an' hock th' Watch
on th' Rhine. (This here is an American joke. I'm gettin' on
fast.) I'm goin' to be took to th' opry some night this week.
They've fired a lot iv la-ads out iv their boxes to make room f'r
me. Wan iv thim objected, but he was fired annyhow. Aftherward
I'm goin' to ate dinner with th' iditors iv th' counthry. Won't
that be nice? I suppose I'm th' first Hohnezollern that iver took
dinner with an iditor, though our fam'ly has often given thim food
an' lodgin'--in jail. I wish ye was here to go with me. Ye've
had more journylistic expeeryence an' manny iv th' things ye've
had printed wudden't seem too unthrue to th' other guests. Th'
newspapers has been mos' kind to me, I might say almost too kind.
I am sindin' ye a photygraft iv mesilf in me bath, took be flashlight
be an iditor concealed on th' top iv th' clothes press, an' an
interview be a lady rayporther who riprisinted hersilf as th'
Queen iv Ohio.

"'But th' big ivint comes off tomorrah. I am actually invited to
a dinner iv wan hundherd iv th' riprisintative business men iv New
York an' a few Christyans ast in aftherward. Hooray, hooray! Mind
ye, these ar-re not ordhn'ry business men. Far fr'm it. No one
gets in unless he has made at laste eight millyion marks out iv
th' sivinty millyion marks in this counthry. An' I'm ast to meet
thim! What fun! I bet 'twill be jolly. I'm goin' to buy me a table
f'r computin' inthrest, a copy iv th' naytional bankin' act an' a
good account iv th' thransactions in sterlin' exchange f'r th'
current year an' whin th' quip an' jest go round, I'll be no
skeleton at th' feast.

"'Ye can see be this that me life has been almost too gay, but th'
merrymint goes blithely on. Fr'm here I go to Bawstown where I
expict to pat th' Bunker Hill monymint on th' head an' have a look
at th' new railway station. Then I will take in Buffly, Cichago
(pro-nounced Sichawgo), Saint Looey, Three Rapids, Idaho, Pinnsylvanya,
an' mos' iv th' large cities iv th' west, includin' Chatahooga
where wan iv th' gr-reat battles iv th' rivolution was fought
between Gin'ral Sigel an' Gin'ral Zollycoffer. I ixpict to larn
a good deal about th' steel, pork, corn, lard an' lithrachoor iv
th' counthry befure I rayturn. But this buttherfly existence is
killin' me. It is far too gay. I suppose whin I was younger, I
wud've injyed it, but me time f'r socyal fistivities has passed
an' I long f'r th' quiet iv home life among th' simple r