ieve him."

"I suppose," said Mr. Hennessy, "a man iv me peaceable disposition
wud niver get a job."

"Make a repytation," said Mr. Dooley. "Buy a gun."

European Intervention

"Th' question befure th' house is," said Mr. Dooley, "which wan
iv th' Euro-peen powers done mos' f'r us in th' Spanish war."

"I thought they were all again' us," said Mr. Hennessy.

"So did I," said Mr. Dooley, "but I done thim an injustice. I was
crool to thim crowned heads. If it hadn't been f'r some wan power,
an' I can't make out which it was, th' Cubians to-day wud be
opprissed be th' Casteel instead iv th' Beet Sugar Thrust an' th'
Filipinos'd be shot be Mausers instead iv Krag-Jorgensens. Some
wan power sthretched out its hand an' said, 'No. No,' it said,
'thus far but no farther. We will not permit this misguided but
warrum-hearted little people to be crushed be th' ruffyan power
iv Spain,' it said. 'Niver,' it said, 'shall histhry record that
th' United States iv America, nestlin' there in its cosy raypublic
fr'm th' Atlantic to th'Passyfic, was desthroyed an' th' hurtage
iv liberty that they robbed fr'm us wasted because we did not give
thim support,' it says. An' so whin th' future looked darkest,
whin we didn't know whether th' war wud last eight or be prolonged
f'r tin weary, thragic minyits, whin it seemed as though th' Spanish
fleet wud not sink unless shot at, some kindly power was silently
comfortin' us an' sayin' to itsilf: 'I do so hope they'll win, if
they can.' But I don't know which wan it was.

"At first I thought it was England. Whiniver ye hear iv anny
counthry helpin' us, ye think it is England. That's because England
has helped us so much in th' past. Says Lord Cranburne in reply
to a question in th' House iv Commons: 'I am reluctantly foorced
be mesilf to blushin'ly admit that but f'r us, people on their way
to China to-day wud be gettin' up an' lookin' over th' side iv
th' ship an' sayin', "This is where America used to be." Whin war
was first discussed, mesilf an' th' rest iv th' fam'ly met an'
decided that unless prompt action was took, our cousins an'
invistmints acrost th' sea wud be damaged beyond repair, so we
cabled our ambassadure to go at wanst to th' White House an' inform
th' prisidint that we wud regard th' war as a crool blot on
civilization an' an offinse to th' intillygince iv mankind. I am
glad to say our inthervintion was iffycacious. War was immeedjately
declared. I