s painful as well
as his pleasing circumstances." Besides this, my mother, instead of
pitying me, reprimanded me sharply for my assiduity to my husband.

But, O my God, how different were Thy thoughts from theirs,--how
different that which was without, from what passed within! My husband
had that foible, that when anyone said anything to him against me, he
flew into a rage at once. It was the conduct of providence over me; for
he was a man of reason and loved me much. When I was sick, he was
inconsolable. I believe, had it not been for my mother-in-law, and the
girl I have spoken of, I should have been very happy with him. Most men
have their moods and emotions, and it is the duty of a reasonable woman
to bear them peaceably, without irritating them more by cross replies.

These things Thou hast ordered, O my God, in such a manner, by Thy
goodness, that I have since seen it was necessary, to make me die to my
vain and haughty nature. I should not have had power to destroy it
myself, if thou hadst not accomplished it by an all-wise economy of thy
providence. I prayed for patience with great earnestness; nevertheless,
some sallies of my natural liveliness escaped me, and vanquished the
resolutions I had taken of being silent. This was doubtless permitted,
that my self-love might not be nourished by my patience. Even a
moment's slip caused me months of humiliation, reproach and sorrow, and
proved the occasion of new crosses.

CHAPTER 7

During the first year I was still vain. I sometimes lied to excuse
myself to my husband and mother-in-law. I stood strangely in awe of
them. Sometimes I fell into a temper, their conduct appeared so very
unreasonable, and especially their countenancing the most provoking
treatment of the girl who served me. As to my mother-in-law, her age
and rank rendered her conduct more tolerable.

But Thou, O my God, opened my eyes to see things in a very different
light. I found in Thee reasons for suffering, which I had never found
in the creature. I afterward saw clearly and reflected with joy, that
this conduct, as unreasonable as it seemed, and as mortifying as it
was, was quite necessary for me. Had I been applauded here as I was at
my father's, I should have grown intolerably proud. I had a fault
common to most of our sex--I could not hear a beautiful woman praised,
without finding fault, to lessen the good which was said of her. This
fault continued long, and was the fruit of gross