God; and thought it depended
only on them to feel what I felt. The Lord made use of my thinking to
gain many souls to Himself.

The good father I have spoken of, who was the instrument of my
conversion, made me acquainted with Genevieve Granger, prioress of the
Benedictines, one of the greatest servants of God of her time. She
proved of very great service to me. My confessor, who had told everyone
that I was a saint before, when so full of miseries, and so far from
the condition to which the Lord in His mercy had now brought me, seeing
I placed a confidence in the father of whom I have spoken, and that I
steered in a road which was unknown to him, declared openly against me.
The monks of his order persecuted me much. They even preached publicly
against me, as a person under a delusion.

My husband and mother-in-law, who till now had been indifferent about
this confessor, then joined him and ordered me to leave off prayer, and
the exercise of piety; that I could not do. There was carried on a
conversation within me, very different from that which passed without.
I did what I could to hinder it from appearing, but could not. The
presence of so great a Master manifested itself, even on my
countenance. That pained my husband, he sometimes told me. I did what I
could to hinder it from being noticed, but was not able completely to
hide it. I was so much inwardly occupied that I knew not what I ate. I
made as if I ate some kinds of meat, though I did not take any. This
deep inward attention suffered me scarcely to hear or see anything. I
still continued to use many severe mortifications and austerities. They
did not in the least diminish the freshness of my countenance.

I had often grievous fits of sickness and no consolation in life,
except in the practice of prayer, and in seeing Mother Granger. How
dear did these cost me, especially the former! Is this esteeming the
cross as I ought?--should I not rather say that prayer to me was
recompensed with the cross, and the cross with prayer. Inseparable
gifts united in my heart and life! When your eternal light arose in my
soul, how perfectly it reconciled me and made you the object of my
love! From the moment I received Thee I have never been free from the
cross, nor it seems without prayer--though for a long time I thought
myself deprived thereof, which exceedingly augmented my afflictions.

My confessor at first exerted his efforts to hinder me from practicing
prayer, and f