earest Lord, never could I pray to Thee about the world, or the
things thereof; nor sully my sacred addresses to Thy majesty with the
dirt of the earth. No; I rather wish to renounce it all, and everything
beside whatsoever, for the sake of Thy love, and the enjoyment of Thy
presence in that kingdom which is not of this world. I wholly
sacrificed myself to Thee, even earnestly begging Thee rather to reduce
our family to beggary, than suffer it to offend thee.

In my own mind I excused my mother-in-law, saying to myself, "If I had
taken the pains to scrape and save, I would not be so indifferent at
seeing so much lost. I enjoy what cost me nothing, and reap what I have
not sowed." Yet all these thoughts could not make me sensible to our
losses. I even formed agreeable ideas of our going to the hospital. No
state appeared to me so poor and miserable, which I should not have
thought easy, in comparison with the continual domestic persecutions I
underwent. My father, who loved me tenderly, and whom I honored beyond
expression, knew nothing of it. God so permitted it, that I should have
him also displeased with me for some time. My mother was continually
telling him that I was an ungrateful creature, showing no regard for
them, but all for my husband's family. Appearances were against me. I
did not go to see them as often as I should. They knew not the
captivity I was in; what I was obliged to bear in defending them. These
complaints of my mother, and a trivial affair that fell out, lessened a
little my father's fond regard for me; but it did not last long. My
mother-in-law reproached me, saying, "No afflictions befell them till I
came into the house. All misfortunes came with me." On the other hand
my mother wanted me to exclaim against my husband which I could never
submit to do.

We continued to meet with loss after loss, the king retrenching a
considerable share of our revenues, besides great sums of money, which
we lost by L'Hotel de Ville. I could have no rest or peace, in such
great afflictions. I had no mortal to console me, or to advise me. My
sister, who had educated me, had departed this life. She died two
months before my marriage. I had no other for a confidant.

I declare, that I find much repugnance in saying so many things of my
mother-in-law. I have no doubt that my own indiscretion, my caprice,
and the occasional sallies of a warm temper, drew many of the crosses
upon me. Although I had what the world cal