had cost her from infancy. They then
reproached me, saying, I was a changeling, and an evil spirit. My
husband obliged me to stay all day long in my mother-in-law's room,
without any liberty of retiring into my own apartment. She spoke
disadvantageously of me, to lessen the affection and esteem which some
had entertained for me. She galled me with the grossest affronts before
the finest company. This did not have the effect she wanted; the more
patiently they saw me bear it, the higher esteem they had for me.

She found the secret of extinguishing my vivacity, and rendering me
stupid. Some of my former acquaintances hardly knew me. Those who had
not seen me before said, "Is this the person famed for such abundance
of wit? She can't say two words. She is a fine picture." I was not yet
sixteen years old. I was so much intimidated, that I dared not go out
without my mother-in-law, and in her presence I could not speak. I knew
not what I said; so much fear had I.

To complete my affliction, they presented me with a waiting-maid who
was everything with them. She kept me in sight like a governess. For
the most part I bore with patience these evils which I had no way to
avoid. But sometimes I let some hasty answer escape me, a source of
grievous crosses to me. When I went out, the footmen had orders to give
an account of everything I did. It was then I began to eat the bread of
sorrows, and to mingle tears with my drink. At the table they always
did something which covered me with confusion. I could not forbear
tears. I had no one to confide in who might share my affliction, and
assist me to bear it. When I would impart some hint of it to my mother,
I drew upon myself new crosses. I resolved to have no confidant. It was
not from any natural cruelty that my husband treated me thus; he loved
me passionately, but he was warm and hasty, and my mother-in-law
continually irritated him about me.

It was in a condition so deplorable, O my God, that I began to perceive
the need I had of Thy assistance. For this situation was perilous for
me. I met with none but admirers abroad, those that flattered me to my
hurt. It were to be feared lest at such a tender age, amid all the
strange domestic crosses I had to bear, I might be drawn away. But
Thou, by Thy goodness and love, gave it quite another turn. By these
redoubled strokes Thou didst draw me to Thyself, and by Thy crosses
effected what Thy caresses could not effect. Nay, Thou mades