nfession? What did he get--five
years?"

"No, fifty dollars. He confessed to the magazines."--_Puck_.

Little Ethel had been brought up with a firm hand and was always taught
to report misdeeds promptly. One afternoon she came sobbing penitently
to her mother.

"Mother, I--I broke a brick in the fireplace."

"Well, it might be worse. But how on earth did you do it, Ethel?"

"I pounded it with your watch."

"Confession is good for the soul."

"Yes, but it's bad for the reputation."

CONGRESS

Congress is a national inquisitorial body for the purpose of acquiring
valuable information and then doing nothing about it.--_Life_.

"Judging from the stuff printed in the newspapers," says a congressman,
"we are a pretty bad lot. Almost in the class a certain miss whom I know
unconsciously puts us in. It was at a recent examination at her school
that the question was put, 'Who makes the laws of our government?'

"'Congress,' was the united reply.

"'How is Congress divided?' was the next query.

"My young friend raised her hand.

"'Well,' said the teacher, 'what do you say the answer is?'

"Instantly, with an air of confidence as well as triumph, the Miss
replied, 'Civilized, half civilized, and savage.'"

CONGRESSMEN

It was at a banquet in Washington given to a large body of congressmen,
mostly from the rural districts. The tables were elegant, and it was a
scene of fairy splendor; but on one table there were no decorations but
palm leaves.

"Here," said a congressman to the head waiter, "why don't you put them
things on our table too?" pointing to the plants.

The head waiter didn't know he was a congressman.

"We cain't do it, boss," he whispered confidentially; "dey's mostly
congressmen at 'dis table, an' if we put pa'ms on de table dey take um
for celery an' eat um all up sho. 'Deed dey would, boss. We knows 'em."

Representative X, from North Carolina, was one night awakened by his
wife, who whispered, "John, John, get up! There are robbers in the
house."

"Robbers?" he said. "There may be robbers in the Senate, Mary; but not
in the House! It's preposterous!"--_John N. Cole, Jr_.

Champ Clark loves to tell of how in the heat of a debate Congressman
Johnson of Indiana called an Illinois representative a jackass. The
expression was unparliamentary, and in retraction Johnson said:

"While I withdraw the unfortunate word, Mr. Speaker, I must insist that
the gentleman from