appetite--honestly,
it would just do your heart good to hear him eat!"

Whistler, the artist, was one day invited to dinner at a friend's house
and arrived at his destination two hours late.

"How extraordinary!" he exclaimed, as he walked into the dining-room
where the company was seated at the table; "really, I should think you
might have waited a bit--why, you're just like a lot of pigs with your
eating!"

A macaroon,
A cup of tea,
An afternoon,
Is all that she
Will eat;
She's in society.

But let me take
This maiden fair
To some cafe,
And, then and there,
She'll eat the whole
Blame bill of fare.

--_The Mystic Times_.

The small daughter of the house was busily setting the tables for
expected company when her mother called to her:

"Put down three forks at each place, dear."

Having made some observations on her own account when the expected
guests had dined with her mother before, she inquired thoughtfully:

"Shall I give Uncle John three knives?"

For a man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does
of his dinner--_Samuel Johnson_.

DIPLOMACY

WIFE--"Please match this piece of silk for me before you come home."

HUSBAND--"At the counter where the sweet little blond works? The one
with the soulful eyes and--"

WIFE--"No. You're too tired to shop for me when your day's work is done,
dear. On second thought, I won't bother you."

Scripture tells us that a soft answer turneth away wrath. A witty
repartee sometimes helps one immensely also.

When Richard Olney was secretary of state he frequently gave expression
to the opinion that appointees to the consular service should speak the
language of the countries to which they were respectively accredited. It
is said that when a certain breezy and enterprising western politician
who was desirous of serving the Cleveland administration in the capacity
of consul of the Chinese ports presented his papers to Mr. Olney, the
secretary remarked:

"Are you aware, Mr. Blank, that I never recommend to the President the
appointment of a consul unless he speaks the language of the country to
which he desires to go? Now, I suppose you do not speak Chinese?"

Whereupon the westerner grinned broadly. "If, Mr. Secretary," said he,
"you will ask me a question in Chinese, I shall be happy to answer it."
He got the appointment.

"Miss de Simpson," said the young secretary of legation, "I