kerosene an' says: 'That
fellow over there is leerin' at ye. Ar-re ye goin' to stand that?' an'
Mars bustled in. Th' barkeeper an' th' banker ar-re behind ivry war.

"Well, in former times th' Governmint kept a saloon f'r th' sojers. Up
at Fort Shurdan they had a ginmill where th' warryors cud go an' besot
thimsilves with bottled beer an' dominoes. It was a sad sight to see
thim grim heroes, survivors iv a thousand marches through th' damp
sthreets on Decoration Day, settin' in these temples iv hell an'
swillin' down th' hated cochineel that has made Milwaukee what it is. To
this palace iv vice th' inthrepid definder iv his Nation's honor
hastened whin he had completed th' arjoos round iv his jooties, after he
had pressed th' Lootinant's clothes, curried th' Captain's horse, mended
th' roof iv th' Major's house, watered th' geeranyums f'r th' Colonel's
wife, an' written his daily letter to th' paper complainin' about th'
food. There he sat an' dhrank an' fought over his old battles with th'
cook an' recalled th' name that he give whin he first enlisted an'
thried to think who it was he married in Fort Leavenworth, ontil th'
bugle summoned him to th' awful carnage called supper.

"Well, sir, 'twas dhreadful. We opposed it as much as we cud. As a
dillygate to th' Binivolent Assoeyation iv Saloon Keepers iv America
I've helped to pass manny resolutions to save our brave boys in yellow
fr'm th' insidyous foe that robs thim iv what intellicts they show be
goin' into the army. Our organ-ization petitioned Congress time an' time
again to take th' Governmint out iv this vile poorsoot that was sappin'
th' very vitals iv our sojery. Why, we asked, shud Uncle Sam engage in
this thraffic in th' souls iv men without payin' f'r a license, whin
dacint citizens were puttin' up their good money a block away an' niver
a soul comin' down fr'm th' fort to be thrafficked in? Did Congress pay
anny attintion to us? It did not.

"But wan day a comity iv ladies fr'm th' Young Ladies' Christyan
Timp'rance Union wint out to th' fort. They'd seen th' Colonel at th'
last p'rade an' they'd decided that 'twas high time they disthributed
copies iv 'Death in th' Bottle; or, Th' Booze-Fighter's Finish,' among
our sojery. Whin they got up there they seen a large bunch iv our
gallant fellows makin' a dash f'r an outlyin' building, an' says wan iv
thim: 'What can they be in such a hurry f'r? That must be th' chapel.
Let us go in.' An' in they wint.

"