all mixed up on th' law; th' fact is there's a mob
outside waitin' to lynch ye if ye don't do what it wants. Th' coort will
now adjourn be th' back dure.' 'Where's th' pris'ner?' says th' expert.
'He has gone to addhress a mothers' meetin',' says th' clerk. 'Thin I
must be goin' too,' says th' expert. An' there ye ar-re."

"I'm glad that fellow got me off", said Mr. Hennessy, "but thim experts
ar-re a bad lot. What's th' difference between that kind iv tistymony
an' perjury?"

"Ye pay ye'er money an' take ye'er choice", said Mr. Dooley.

THE CALL OF THE WILD

"Well, sir," said Mr. Dooley, "I see me frind Tiddy Rosenfelt has been
doin' a little lithry criticism, an' th' hospitals are full iv mangled
authors. Th' next time wan iv thim nature authors goes out into th'
woods lookin' f'r his prey he'll go on crutches."

"What's it about?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"'Twas this way," said Mr. Dooley. "I have it fr'm Hogan, me lithry
adviser. He keeps me posted on what's goin' on in lithrachoor, an' I do
th' same f'r him on crime. I've always got a little something that's
excitin' comin' to me, but this time he's made good. It seems, ye see,
that a good manny iv th' la-ads that write th' books have been lavin'
th' route iv th' throlley line an' takin' to th' woods. They quit Myrtle
an' Clarence an' th' wrong done to Oscar Lumlovitch be th' brutal
foreman iv lard tank nine, an' wint to wurruk on th' onhappy love
affairs iv Carrie Boo, th' deer, an' th' throubles in th' domestic
relations iv th' pan fish an' th' skate. F'r th' last year th' on'y
books that Hogan has told me about have been wrote about animiles. I've
always thought iv th' beasts iv th' forest prowlin' around an' takin' a
leg off a man that'd been sint to Colorado f'r his lungs. But these boys
tell me they're diff'rent in their home life. They fall in love, get
marrid an' divoorced, bring up fam'lies, an' are supported or devoured
be thim, as th' case may be, accumylate money, dodge taxes, dhrink to
excess, an' in ivry way act like human bein's. I wudden't be surprised
to know that a bear had a tillyphone in his room, an' that th' gopher
complained iv his gas bills.

"Ivry time I go up into th' park to see me old frind th' illyphant I
wondher what dhreams ar-re goin' on behind that nose iv his that he uses
akelly as a garden hose, a derrick, or a knife an' fork. Is he
recallin' th' happy days at Barnum's befure brutal man sunk an ice pick
into him an' d