hrove him to th' park? Is there some wan still there that
he thinks iv? Is she alive, is she dead, does she iver dhream iv him as
she ates her hay an' rubs her back agin th' bars iv her gilded cage?
There's th' hippypotamus. He don't look to be full iv sintiment, but ye
never can tell. Manny an achin' heart beats behind a cold an' sloppy
exteeryor. Somewhere in sunny Africa a loving fam'ly may be waitin' fr
him. Th' wallow at th' riverside is there, with th' slime an' ooze
arranged be tinder paws. But he will not return. They will meet, but
they will miss him, there will be wan vacant lair.

"Well, sir, just as I'd got to th' frame iv mind whin I'm thinkin' iv
askin' that gloomy lookin' allygator in th' park up to spind an avenin'
with me, along comes Tiddy Rosenfelt an' says there's nawthin' in it.
It's hard on th' boys. They ar-re doin' th' best they can. Ye can't
expect an author to lave his comfortable flat an' go three or four
thousand miles to larn whether th' hero iv his little love story
murdhers his uncle be bitin' him abaft th' ear or be fellin' him with a
half Nelson an' hammer-lock. Why should he? Who wud feed th' goold fish
while he was gone?

"No, sir, he does just right. Instead iv venturin' into th' wilds an'
p'raps bein' et up be wan iv his fav'rite charackters, he calls f'r some
tea an' toast, jabs his pen into th' inkwell, an' writes: 'Vichtry was
not long in th' grasp iv th' whale. Befure he cud return to his burrow
Tusky Bicuspid had seized him be th' tail an' dashed his brains out agin
a rock. With a leap in th' air th' bold wolf put to rout a covey iv
muskrats, those evil sojers iv fortune that ar-re seen hoverin' over
ivry animile battlefield. Wan blow iv his paw broke th' back iv th'
buffalo. With another he crushed a monsthrous sage hen, at wanst th'
most threacherous an' th' hardiest iv th' beasts iv th' wild. Paralyzed
be th' boldness iv th' wolf, th' camel an' th' auk fled fr'm th' scene
iv havoc, as is their wont. All that remained iv his inimies now was th'
cow, which defied him fr'm the branches iv a pine tree an' pelted him
with th' monsthrous fruit iv this cillybrated viggytable. Now, it is
well known that however aven they may be in a boording house, th' wolf
is no match f'r a cow in a tree. But this was no ordhinary wolf. As he
heerd th' low cry iv' his mate he was indowed with th' strength iv a
thousand piany movers. With a gesture iv impatience he shed his coat,
f'r it was Spring,