counsel,
Barrister Hogan. He tells me that undher th' rights guaranteed to me be
th' Constitution, which Gawd defind an' help in these here days, an' me
liquor license, I'm entitled to stick me tongue in me cheek, wink, roll
up me nose, wiggle me hands fr'm me ears, bite me thumb, or say 'Pooh'
to any black-an'-tan I meet.

"Thin what happens? Th' first thing I know a shell loaded with dynnymite
dhrops into th' lap iv some frind iv mine in San Francisco; a party iv
Jap'nese land in Boston an' scalp th' wigs off th' descindants iv John
Hancock an' Sam Adams; an' Tiddy Rosenfelt is discovered undher a bed
with a small language book thryin' to larn to say 'Spare me' in th'
Jap'nese tongue. And me name goes bouncin' down to histhry as a man that
brought roon to his counthry, an' two hundherd years fr'm now little
childer atin' their milk with chop sticks in Kenosha, Wisconsin, will
curse me f'r me wickedness instead iv blessin' th' mimry iv a man that
done so much to keep their fathers fr'm hurryin' home at night. So I
stayed away. F'r a moment th' peril is over.

"But it won't be f'r long. Ivry mornin' I pick up me pa-aper with fear
an' thremblin'. War with Japan is immynint. 'Tokyo, June five--Th' whole
nation is wild with excitement over th' misthreatment iv a Jap'nese in
Los Angeles, an' unless an apology is forthcomin' it will be difficult
f'r th' Governmint to prevint th' navy fr'm shootin' a few things at
ye. Th' people iv America shud know that they ar-re at th' brink iv war.
A corryspondint iv th' _Daily Saky_, who wurruks in an old porcylain
facthry in Maine, writes that this famous subjick iv th' Mickydoo, whose
name has escaped him but who had a good job in a livery stable in Tokyo
befure he was sint on a mission to th' American people to see what he
cud get, wint into an all night resthrant an' demanded his threaty
rights, which ar-re that th' waiter was to tuck his napkin into his
collar an' th' bartinder must play "Nippon th' gloryous" on a mouth
organ. Onforchinitely th' proprietor iv th' place, a man be th' name iv
Scully, got hold iv a copy iv th' threaty with Sweden with th' sad
result that he give th' subjick iv th' Mickydoo th' wrong threaty
rights. He hit him over th' head with a bung starter. There is some
relief in th' situation to-night based on th' repoort that th' Prisidint
has sint an apology an' has ordhered out th' army to subjoo Scully.

"'The Impror held a meetin' iv th' Elder Statesmen to