e thin. People laughed at Clarence Von Steenevant because he
wore a hat encrusted in dimons instead iv th' rough-an'-ready goold
bonnet that ye grabbed fr'm th' rubbish iv old pearl necklaces an'
marredge certyficates on th' hall table whin ye wint out to play tennis.
It has changed since. But there are still a few riprisintatives iv th'
older memberships iv th' stock exchange who cannot lave th' familyar
scenes, an' I like to dhrop in on these pathricyans an' gossip iv days
that ar-re no more. Faith, there's hardly a place that I don't spind me
summers. If I don't like a place I can move. I sail me yacht into
sthrange harbors. I take me private car wheriver I want to go. I hunt
an' I fish. Last year I wint to Canada an' fished f'r salmon. I made a
gr-reat catch--near thirty cans. An' whin I'm tired I can go to bed. An'
it is a bed, not a rough sketch iv a brick-yard.

"Well, well, what places I have seen. An' I always see thim at their
best. Th' on'y way to see anny place at its best is niver to go there.
No place can be thruly injyeable whin ye have to take ye'ersilf along
an' pay rent f'r him whin ye get there. An' wan iv th' gr-reat comforts
iv my kind iv a vacation is that I always knows what's goin' on at home.
Whin Hogan goes on his kind iv vacation th' newspa-aper he gets was
printed just afther th' third inning iv th' baseball game th' day befure
yisterdah. Th' result is that whin Hogan comes home he don't know what's
happened. He doesn't know who's been murdhered or whether Chicago or
Pittsburg is at th' head iv th' league.

"An' summer is th' best time iv th' year f'r news. Th' heat an' sthrong
dhrink brings out pleasant peculyarities in people. They do things that
make readin' matther. They show signs iv janus. Ivrything in th' pa-aper
inthrests me. Here's th' inside news iv a cillybrated murdher thrile
blossomin' out in th' heat. Here's a cillybrated lawyer goin' to th'
cillybrated murdherer an' demandin' an increase in th' honoraryum iv his
cillybrated collague. Lawyers don't take money. What they get f'r their
public sarvices in deludin' a jury is th' same as an offerin' in a
church. Ye don't give it thim openly. Ye sind thim a bunch iv sweet peas
with the money in it. This here larned counsel got wan honoraryum. But
whin things begun to took tough f'r his protegee he suggested another
honoraryum. Honoraryum is fr'm th' Latin wurruds honor an' aryum,
mainin' I need th' money.

"Yes, sir, ye can't injye