s off an'
has to stop so that iliven iv thim can go back an' get something they
f'rgot at th' last moment an' th' ex-commander iv th' faithful says,
'Did ye iver know wan iv thim to be ready, Cap?' an' th' captain says,
'They're all alike, Doc,' an' th' dhriver clangs th' bell, an' off goes
th' mighty potentate to a two-story frame house in Englewood. An' th'
sultan's brother is taken out iv a padded cell where he had been kept
f'r twinty years because he was crazy to be sultan, an' is boosted into
th' throne. An' he has his pitcher took an' is intherviewed be th'
reporthers an' tells thim he will do th' best he can an' he hopes th'
press won't be too hard on him, because he is a poor loonytick annyhow.

"An' there ye ar-re. There goes me dhream iv bein' sultan along with me
dhream iv bein' a gr-reat gin'ral till th' Spanish war. If that's th'
kind iv job a sultan has, I'll lave it f'r anny wan to take that wants
it. Why, be Hivens, whin th' Young Turks come to search th' palace, like
th' pathrites they ar-re, to find if he'd left anny money behind, divvle
th' thrace they found iv annything that I'd thrade f'r me back room. I
begun to feel sorry f'r th' poor old miscreent. Instead iv lollin' on a
sofy an' listenin' to th' song iv th' mockin' bur-rd in th' pommygranite
threes while ladies fr'm th' chorus iv 'Th' Black Crook' fanned him with
fans iv peacock feathers, th' mis'rable old haythen was locked up in a
garret with a revolver in his hand ready to shoot anny wan that come
next or near him. He suffered fr'm dyspepsia an' he cuddent sleep
nights. He cud ate nawthin' sthronger thin milk toast. He was foorced be
fashion's whim to have five hundhred wives whin wan was abundant. Take
it all in all, he led a dog's life, an' I bet ye he's happyer now where
he is, wathrin' th' geeranyums, mowin' th' lawn, an' sneakin' into
Constantinople iv a Saturday night an' seein' Circassyan girls dancin'
f'r th' first time in his life. His childher are all grown up an' safe
in jail, he has four hundhred an' eighty-nine less wives, but iliven are
a good manny in th' suburbs; he has put away a few piasthres f'r a rainy
day, out-iv-dure life may improve his health, an' I shudden't wondher if
ye'd read some day in th' pa-aper: 'At th' Stambool county fair th'
first prize f'r Poland Chiny hens was won be A. Hamid, th' pop'lar
ex-sultan.'

"Ye can't tell annything about it. Give th' poor man a chance, says I.
There may be th' makins iv a da