e idee iv th' kind iv
gloryous governmint we're livin' undher, to see our fair Columbia
puttin' her brave young arms out an' defindin' th' products iv our soil
fr'm steel rails to porous plasthers, hooks an' eyes, artyficial horse
hair an' bone casings, which comes undher th' head iv clothin' an' I
suppose is a polite name f'r pantaloons.

"Iv coorse, low people like ye, Hinnissy, will kick because it's goin'
to cost ye more to indulge ye'er taste in ennervating luxuries. D'ye
know Sinitor Aldhrich? Ye dont? I'm surprised to hear it. He knows ye.
Why, he all but mentions ye'er name in two or three places. He does so.
'Tis as if he said: 'This here vulgar plutycrat, Hinnissy, is turnin'
th' heads iv our young men with his garish display. Befure this,
counthries have perished because iv th' ostintation iv th' arrystocracy.
We must presarve th' ideels iv American simplicity. We'll show this
vulgar upstart that he can't humilyate his fellow citizens be goin'
around dhressed up like an Asyatic fav'rite iv th' Impror Neero, be
Hivens. How will we get at him?' says he. 'We'll put a tax iv sixty per
cent. on ready made clothin' costin' less thin ten dollars a suit.
That'll teach him to squander money wrung fr'm Jawn D. Rockyfellar in
th' Roo dilly Pay. We'll go further thin that. We'll put a tax iv forty
per cent. on knitted undherwear costin' less thin a dollar twinty-five a
dozen. We'll make a specyal assault on woolen socks an' cowhide shoes.
We'll make an example iv this here pampered babe iv fortune,' says he.

"An' there it is. Ye haven't got a thing on ye'er back excipt ye'er
skin--an' that may be there; I haven't got as far as th' hide schedule
yet--that ain't mentioned in this here boolwark iv our liberties. It's
ye'er own fault. If ye will persist in wearin' those gee-gaws ye'll have
to pay f'r thim. If ye will go on decoratin' ye'er house with shingles
an' paint an' puttin' paper on th' walls an' adornin' th' inside iv it
with ye'er barbaric taste f'r eight day clocks, cane bottom chairs an'
karosene lamps, ye've got to settle, that's all. Ye've flaunted ye'er
wealth too long in th' face iv a sturdy people.

"Ye'd think th' way such as ye talk that ivrything is taxed. It ain't
so. 'Tis an insult to th' pathritism iv Congress to say so. Th'
Republican party, with a good deal iv assistance fr'm th' pathriotic
Dimmycrats, has been thrue to its promises. Look at th' free list, if ye
don't believe it. Practically ivryth