h.

"It was very good of you, Sir Walter," said her Majesty, smiling sweetly
upon the gallant Knight, "to ruin your cloak the other day so that my
feet should not be wet by that horrid puddle. May I not instruct my Lord
High Treasurer to reimburse you for it?"

"Don't mention it, your Majesty," replied Raleigh. "It only cost two and
six, and I have already sold it to an American collector for eight
thousand pounds."

COLLEGE GRADUATES

"Can't I take your order for one of our encyclopedias!" asked the dapper
agent.

"No I guess not," said the busy man. "I might be able to use it a few
times, but my son will be home from college in June."

COLLEGE STUDENTS

"Say, dad, remember that story you told me about when you were expelled
from college?"

"Yes."

"Well, I was just thinking, dad, how true it is that history repeats
itself."

WANTED: Burly beauty-proof individual to read meters in sorority houses.
We haven't made a nickel in two years. The Gas Co.--_Michigan
Gargoyle_.

FRESHMAN--"I have a sliver in my finger."

SOP--"Been scratching your head?"

STUDE--"Do you smoke, professor?"

PROF.--"Why, yes, I'm very fond of a good cigar."

STUDE--"Do you drink, sir?"

PROF.--"Yes, indeed, I enjoy nothing better than a bottle of wine."

STUDE--"Gee, it's going to cost me something to pass this
course."--_Cornell Widow_.

Three boys from Yale, Princeton and Harvard were in a room when a lady
entered. The Yale boy asked languidly if some fellow ought not to give a
chair to the lady; the Princeton boy slowly brought one, and the Harvard
boy deliberately sat down in it.--_Life_.

A college professor was one day nearing the close of a history lecture
and was indulging in one of those rhetorical climaxes in which he
delighted when the hour struck. The students immediately began to slam
down the movable arms of their lecture chairs and to prepare to leave.

The professor, annoyed at the interruption of his flow of eloquence,
held up his hand:

"Wait just one minute, gentlemen. I have a few more pearls to cast."

When Rutherford B. Hayes was a student at college it was his custom to
take a walk before breakfast.

One morning two of his student friends went with him. After walking a
short distance they met an old man with a long white beard. Thinking
that they would have a little fun at the old man's expense, the first
one bowed to him very gracefully and said: "Good morning, Fa