ot
sleep very well at night, and I am sure this must give me many a good
nap, when the proprietor of it (though he _owed so much_) could sleep
upon it."

DCCCXCV.--CHARITABLE WIT.

WIT in an influential form was displayed by the Quaker gentleman
soliciting subscription for a distressed widow, for whom everybody
expressed the greatest sympathy. "Well," said he, "everybody declares he
is sorry for her; I am truly sorry--I am sorry five pounds. How much art
thou sorry, friend? and thou? and thou?" He was very successful, as may
be supposed. One of those to whom the case was described said he _felt_
very much, indeed, for the poor widow. "But hast thou felt in thy
pocket?" inquired the "Friend."

DCCCXCVI.--USE IS SECOND NATURE.

A TAILOR that was ever accustomed to steal some of the cloth his
customer brought, when he came one day to make himself a suit, stole
half-a-yard. His wife perceiving it, asked the reason; "Oh," said he,
"it is to _keep_ my hands in use, lest at any time I should _forget
it_."

DCCCXCVII.--EPIGRAM.

(On a certain M.P.'s indisposition.)

HASTE son of Celsus, P--rc--v--l is ill;
Dissect an ass before you try your skill.

DCCCXCVIII.--LIQUID REMEDY FOR BALDNESS.

USE brandy externally until the hair grows, and then take it internally
to _clinch the roots_.

DCCCXCIX.--AN INGENIOUS DEVICE.

THE Irish girl told her forbidden lover she was longing to possess his
portrait, and intended to obtain it. "But how if your friends see it?"
inquired he. "Ah, but I'll tell the artist _not_ to make it _like you_,
so they won't know it."

CM.--THE REBEL LORDS.

AT the trial of the rebel lords, George Selwyn, seeing Bethel's sharp
visage looking wistfully at the prisoners, said, "What a shame it is to
turn her face to the prisoners, until they are condemned!"

Some women were scolding Selwyn for going to see the execution, and
asked him how he could be such a barbarian to see the head cut off?
"Nay," replied he, "if that was such a crime, I am sure I have made
amends; for I went to see it sewed on again."

Walpole relates: "You know Selwyn never thinks but _a la tete
tranchee_." On having a tooth drawn, he told the man that he would drop
his handkerchief for the signal.

CMI.--A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.

"HOW are you this morning?" said Fawcett to Cooke.

"Not at all myself," says the tragedian. "Then I congratulate y