"_Them's the jockeys for me_!"

DCCX.--EQUALITY.

A HIGHWAYMAN and a chimney-sweeper were condemned to be hanged the same
time at Tyburn,--the first for an exploit on the highway, the latter for
a more ignoble robbery. "Keep farther off, can't you?" said the
highwayman, with some disdain. "Sir," replied the sweep, "I _won't_ keep
off; I have as much _right_ to be here as you!"

DCCXI.--A CANDID COUNSEL.

AN Irish counsel being asked by the judge for whom was he concerned,
replied, "I am _concerned_ for the plaintiff, but I'm _retained_ by the
defendant."

DCCXII.--TRADE AGAINST LAND.

WHEN the late Mr. Whitbread's father, the brewer, first opposed the Duke
of Bedford's interest at Bedford, the Duke informed him that he would
spend L50,000 rather than he should _come in_. Whitbread, with true
English spirit, replied, that was nothing; the sale of his grains would
pay for that.

DCCXIII.--TRUE EVIDENCE.

A JEW called on to justify bail in the Court of Common Pleas, the opposing
counsel thus examined him: "What is your name?"--"Jacob."--"What are
you?"--"General dealer."--"Do you keep a shop?"--"No."--"How then do you
dispose of your goods?"--"To the _best advantage_, my good fellow."

DCCXIV.--DR. YOUNG.

DR. YOUNG was walking in his garden at Welwyn, in company with two
ladies (one of whom he afterwards married), when the servant came to
acquaint him a gentleman wished to speak with him. As he refused to go,
one lady took him by the right arm, the other by the left, and led him
to the garden-gate; when, finding resistance in vain, he bowed, laid
his hand upon his heart, and spoke the following lines:--

"Thus Adam looked, when from the garden driven,
And thus disputed orders sent from heaven.
Like him I go, but yet to go am loth;
Like him I go, for angels drove us both.
Hard was his fate, but mine is more unkind;
His Eve went with him, but mine stays behind."

DCCXV.--A YANKEE YARN.

MR. DICKENS tells an American story of a young lady, who, being
intensely loved by five young men, was advised to "jump overboard, and
marry the man who jumped in after her." Accordingly, next morning, the
five lovers being on deck, and looking very devotedly at the young lady,
she plunged into the sea head-foremost. Four of the lovers immediately
jumped in after her. When the young lady and four lovers were out again,
she says to the captai