n, "What am I to do with them now, they are so
wet?"--"Take the _dry one_." And the young lady did, and married him.

DCCXVI.--SAVE US FROM OUR FRIENDS.

THE old Scottish hearers were very particular on the subject of their
ministers' preaching old sermons; and to repeat a discourse which they
could recollect was always made a subject of animadversion by those who
heard it. A beadle who was a good deal of a wit in his way, gave a sly
hit in his pretended defence of his minister on the question. As they
were proceeding from church, the minister observed the beadle had been
laughing as if he had triumphed over some of his parishioners with whom
he had been in conversation. On asking the cause of this, he received
for answer, "Indeed, sir, they were saying ye had preached an auld
sermon to-day, but I tackled them, for I tauld them it was no'an auld
sermon, for the minister had preached it no' _sax months_ syne."

DCCXVII.--LOVE OF THE SEA.

LOVE the sea? I dote upon it,--from the beach.--D.J.

DCCXVIII.--UNWELCOME AGREEMENT.

A POMPOUS parish clergyman felt his dignity mightily offended by a
chubby-faced lad who was passing him without moving his hat. "Do you
know who I am, sir, that you pass me in that unmannerly way? You are
better fed than taught, I think, sir."--"Whew, may be it is so, measter,
for you _teaches_ me, but I _feeds_ myself."

DCCXIX.--COOKE'S EXPLANATION OF THE FAMILY PLATE.

AN American braggart told Cooke that his family was amongst the oldest
in Maryland. Cooke inquired if he had carefully examined the family
plate,--_the fetters and handcuffs_!

DCCXX.--A SPECIMEN OF UNIVERSITY ETIQUETTE.

A POOR youth, brought up in one of the colleges, could not afford the
price of a pair of shoes, but when his old ones were worn out at the
toes, had them capped with leather: whereupon his companions began to
jeer him for so doing: "Why," said he, "don't you see they must be
_capped_? Are they not _fellows_?"

DCCXXI.--A MEDICAL OPINION.

AN unfortunate man, who had never drank water enough to warrant the
disease, was reduced to such a state by dropsy, that a consultation of
physicians was held upon his case. They agreed that tapping was
necessary, and the poor patient was invited to submit to the operation,
which he seemed inclined to do in spite of the entreaties of his son.
"O, father, father, do not let them _tap_ you," screamed the boy, in