VERY.

BROTHER DAVID DEWAR was a plain, honest, straightforward man, who never
hesitated to express his convictions, however unpalatable they might be
to others. Being elected a member of the Prison Board, he was called
upon to give his vote in the choice of a chaplain from the licentiates
of the Established Kirk. The party who had gained the confidence of the
Board had proved rather an indifferent preacher in a charge to which he
had previously been appointed; and on David being asked to signify his
assent to the choice of the Board, he said, "Weel, I've no objections to
the man, for I understand he preached _a kirk toom_ (empty) already, and
if he be as successful _in the jail_, he'll maybe preach it vawcant as
weel."

DCCCXXXIX.--WHERE IS THE AUDIENCE?

THE manager of a country theatre looked into the house between the acts,
and turned with a face of dismay to the prompter, with the question of,
"Why, good gracious, where's the audience?"--"Sir," replied the
prompter, without moving a muscle, "he is just now gone to get some
beer." The manager wiped the perspiration from his brow and said, "Will
he _return_ do you think?"--"Most certainly; he expresses himself highly
satisfied with the play, and applauded as one man."--"_Then let business
proceed_," exclaimed the manager, proudly; and it did proceed.

DCCCXL.--KNOWING BEST.

"I WISH, reverend father," said Curran to Father O'Leary, "that you were
St. Peter, and had the keys of heaven, because then you could let me
in."--"By my honor and conscience," replied O'Leary, "it would be better
for you that I had the keys of the _other_ place, for then I could let
_you out_."

DCCCXLI.--AGRICULTURAL EXPERIENCES.

THE late Bishop Blomfield, when a Suffolk clergyman, asked a school-boy
what was meant in the Catechism by _succoring_ his father and mother.
"_Giving on 'em milk_," was the prompt reply.

DCCCXLII.--PARLIAMENTARY REPRIMAND.

IN the reign of George II., Mr. Crowle, a counsel of some eminence, was
summoned to the bar of the House of Commons to receive a reprimand from
the Speaker, on his knees. As he rose from the ground, with the utmost
_nonchalance_ he took out his handkerchief, and, wiping his knees, cooly
observed, "that it was the _dirtiest_ house he had ever been in in his
life."

DCCCXLIII.--A STOP WATCH.

A GENTLEMAN missing his watch in a crowd at the theatre, observed, with
great coolness, that