ngers," answered Lamb, "but that last piece
of oyster-pie did the business for _me_."

DCCLXXVIII.--A SHORT JOURNEY.

AN old clergyman one Sunday, at the close of the sermon, gave notice to
the congregation that in the course of the week he expected to go on a
mission to the heathen. One of his parishioners, in great agitation,
exclaimed, "Why, my dear sir, you have never told us one word of this
before; what shall we do?"--"O, brother," said the parson, "I don't
expect to _go out_ of this town."

DCCLXXIX.--A POSER BY LORD ELLENBOROUGH.

DURING the Chief-Justiceship of the late Lord Ellenborough there was a
horse-cause, to which a certain Privy Councillor was a party, and who,
as of right, took his seat upon the bench at the hearing, and there
(while his adversary's counsel told his tale) ventured a whisper of
remark to the Chief Justice. "If you again _address me_, Sir W----, I
shall give you in custody of the Marshal." It was a settler for him,
and, as it turned out, of his cause; for he lost it, and most justly
too.

DCCLXXX.--EPIGRAM.

CRIES Sylvia to a Reverend Dean,
"What reason can be given,
Since marriage is a holy thing,
That there are none in Heaven?"

"There are no women," he replied.
She quick returns the jest,--
"Women there are, but I'm afraid
They cannot find a priest."

DCCLXXXI.--AN ARTISTIC TOUCH.

WHEN Moore was getting his portrait painted by Newton, Sydney Smith, who
accompanied the poet, said to the artist, "Couldn't you contrive to
throw into his face somewhat of a stronger expression of _hostility_ to
the Church Establishment?"

DCCLXXXII.--VALUE OF APPLAUSE.

SOME one remarked to Mrs. Siddons that applause was necessary to actors,
as it gave them confidence. "More," replied the actress; "it gives us
_breath_."

DCCLXXXIII.--LITTLE TO GIVE.

A STINGY husband threw off the blame of the rudeness of his children in
company, by saying that his wife always "Gives them their own
way."--"Poor things!" was the prompt response, "it's _all_ I have to
_give them_."

DCCLXXXIV.--A GOOD SWIMMER.

A FOOLISH scholar having almost been drowned in his first attempt at
swimming, vowed that he would never _enter_ the water again until he was
a complete master of the art.

[A similar story is told of a pedant by Hierocles.]

DCCLXXXV.--NO PRIDE.

A DENIZEN of the good c