etters off my Mind," said the
Hopeful Citizen.

When he dashed into the Office he carried 220 pounds of Steam and was
keen for the Attack.

A tall Man with tan Whiskers arose from behind the roll-top Desk and
greeted him.

"How are you feeling this Morning?" asked the Stranger.

"Swell and Sassy," was the Reply.

"And yet, to-morrow you may join the Appendicitis Colony and day after
to-morrow you may lie in the darkened Front Room with Floral Offerings
on all sides," said the Stranger. "What you want is one of our
non-reversible, twenty-year, pneumatic Policies with the Reserve Fund
Clause. Kindly glance at this Chart. Suppose you take the reactionable
Endowment with the special Proviso permitting the accumulation of both
Premium and Interest. On a $10,000 Policy for 20 Years you make $8,800
clear, whether you live or die, while the Company loses $3,867.44 as
you can see for yourself."

"This is my--" began the Man.

"Or, you may prefer the automatic tontine Policy with ball-bearings,"
continued the Death Angel. "In this case, the entire Residue goes into
the Sinking Fund and draws Compound Interest. This is made possible
under our new System of reducing Operating Expenses to a Minimum and
putting the Executive Department into the Hands of well-known New
York Financiers who do not seek Pecuniary Reward but are actuated by
a Philanthropic Desire to do good to all Persons living west of the
Alleghenies."

"That will be about all from you," said the Man. "Mosey! Duck! Up an
Alley!"

"Then you don't care what becomes of your Family?" asked the Stranger,
in a horrified Tone.

"My Relatives are collecting all of their Money in Advance," said the
Man. "If they are not worrying over the Future, I don't see why you
should lose any Sleep."

So the Solicitor went out and told every one along the Street that the
Man lacked Foresight.

At 9.30 o'clock the industrious little Man picked up letter number 1
and said to the Blonde Stenographer, "Dear Sir."

At that moment the Head of the Credit Department hit him on the Back
and said he had a Good One. It was all about little Frankie, the Only
Child, the Phenom, the 40-pound Prodigy.

[Illustration: _The New House._]

In every large Establishment there is a gurgling Parent who comes
down in the Morning with a Story concerning the incipient Depew out
at their House. It seems that little Frankie has been told something
at Sunday School and he asked his Mother about it