est of Pittsburg, and they dropped their R's and got the Kangaroo
Walk and began to order their Food in Foreign Languages. After that,
all Father had to do was to follow along and look Pleasant and dig
every few Minutes.

The Outfit stopped at the Waldorf three days so as to obtain a
Residence, and after that they Registered as being from New York. Then
they threw Papa on a Boat and took him to the Other Side, the Place
where Americans are so Popular, if you don't care what you say. By
paying off the Mortgage they obtained a Suite at a Hotel patronized by
the Nobility and Gentry and supported by People from Iowa. After which
they began to present Letters of Introduction and try to butt in.
Laura and the Girls felt that if only they could eat a Meal once or
twice in the gloomy Presence of those who had Handles to their Names,
they would be ready to fall back and die Happy. They had some Trouble
about getting into the Tall Game on account of their Money. In the
States the general Run of People worship the Almighty Dollar, but in
England they hate the Sight of it.

In spite of the Fact that they were sinfully Rich they succeeded in
Elbowing their way into several Dinners at which it was necessary to
put Ice into the Claret in order to keep it at the Temperature of
the Room. The Financier, in his First Part Clothes with an Ice-Cream
Weskit, was a Picture that no Artist could paint. His hair would not
stay combed and he hardly ever knew what to do with his Hands.

[Illustration: _Laura's Ambition._]

Laura and the Girls could forget that they had once seen the Missouri
River, but not so with Old Ready Money. Right at the Table, sitting
opposite the Earl of Hammersmith or the Marquis of Stroke-on-Trent,
while Laura and the Girls would be talking about their Country Place
and trying to smother the American Accent, the Lobsterine would come
in and tell about something that happened to him once when he was
plowing Corn. Then Laura and the Girls would want to duck right under
the Table and die of Mortification then and there.

The only Reason they put up with him was that he seemed to be useful
when it came to signing Checks.

In England they met a great many Nice People. The Financier knew that
they were Nice because they wore Dark Clothes and seldom Smiled.

Then the two shapely Daughters went and married a couple of shelf-worn
Titles.

The Financier had the Novel Experience of putting up for a Brace of
Sons-in-Law wh