o would not speak to him when any one was around. Which
served him right, for he had no Business to be in Trade. It was very
careless of him not to have inherited his Stuff.

Still, it was a great Satisfaction to him to be a Blood Relative of
two Howling Swells who had Pedigrees reaching back almost as far as
their Debts.

Very often he would take them into a Back Room and turn them around
and look them over and recognize the cold, undeniable Fact that they
were cheap at any Price.

* * * * *

MORAL: Bunker Hill has been Avenged, over and over.

* * * * *

_SELF-MADE HEZEKIAH AND HIS MESSAGE OF HOPE TO THIS YEARS CROP OF
GRADUATES_

In Wayback Township, along in the Thirties, there arrived a
12-pounder. When he was three days old he was exhibited to a Bunch in
the Front Room by an Old Lady who had made a Study of Colic. She was
a Baby Expert who always broke in to do considerable heavy standing
around and calling off when there was a lift in the Population.

While little Ipsy-Wipsy was being inspected, he opened one Eye and
spotted a silver Half-Dollar that the Honorary Nurse wore as a Brooch.
Immediately he closed in on it. They had to choke him to make him let
go. In after Years it was remarked that this was the only time that he
went after the Coin and failed to bring it home.

The Baby never had any Tantrums at Night because he had overheard
them say that it cost $2 every time Doc was called in. He would lie
quietly in his Crib for Hours at a time looking up at the Ceiling and
computing Compound Interest on the $5 Gold Piece that had been put in
the Bank, to be drawn out when he should be 21.

His Parents gave him a Biblical Name so so as to make him a strong
Come-On for Investors who belong to the Pious Element. Hezekiah Hooper
is what they christened him. They wanted a Name that would carry
weight on a Letter-Head and reassure the Soft Mark who was about to
sink his Funds in a Mining Venture with a Guarantee of 48 per cent.
Dividends.

At the age of 4 Hezekiah sat down and figured that if he devoted his
Life to Physical Toil, he might some day be the Owner of a six-room
cottage fully protected by a Mortgage, whereas if he wore a White
Shirt and kept busy with the Pencil, he might be Rich enough some
day to land in the Senate. So he went out looking for Work to hand to
other People, thus becoming what the Campaign Orator calls a Cap