man. The Poker Players were
into him and he began to suspect that he needed a Guardian.

Like every other Man who sends his Wife to a Summer Place, he ended
his Hurrah by making a few Resolutions and begging her to come Home.

And she will always believe that he did the Macaulay Act every Evening
while she was away. Which is just as well.

* * * * *

MORAL: In order to put a true Value on Civilization, one should pace a
few Heats with the Indians now and then.

* * * * *

_HOW AN HUMBLE BEGINNER MOVED FROM ONE PINNACLE TO ANOTHER AND PLAYED
THE ENTIRE CIRCUIT_

A team of Proud Parents had a son named James Henry Guff. On the Day
of his Birth the Wind changed and blew in another Direction, Apples
fell off the Trees, Chickens went to Roost at Mid-Day. All Nature
seemed to have been given a Jolt by the Portentous Event. For James
Henry Guff was born to know all the Brands of Human Greatness. Destiny
had put a Green Tag on him and nothing could stop him.

When he was only 18 years of age, he was elected Captain of a
Volunteer Fire Department, which was a valuable Organization, only
when there was a Fire no one could find the Key to the House in which
they kept the Hand-Pump. But the Papers began to speak of him as
Captain Guff. His Intimates called him Cap. After the Hose Company
disbanded, his Title clung to him and it was generally believed that
he had been with Grant at Appomattox.

Not satisfied with a resounding Title, for which those in the Regular
Army have to struggle for Years, Captain Guff began to give Lessons
on the Flute at 50 cents an Hour, and the first thing he knew he was a
real Professor, just the same as if he had gone up in a Balloon or had
some trained Horses. Now over at Harvard, where they grow the English
Accent, a Student must grind through a long Course, and a Fellowship
and an Instructorship before he blossoms into a simon-pure Professor.
Which only goes to show that the Real Boy can gain by one stroke of
Genius the Renown for which the ordinary Skates must go forth and
Rustle.

James Henry Guff at the age of 30 was both a Captain and a Professor,
but his insatiable Ambition spurred him to go out and gather other
Laurels. So he ran for Justice of the Peace, and was elected the third
time he ran, because the other Candidate pulled out. As Magistrate he
became custodian of a Law-Book, a Checker-Board, and a stack of Bl