ves in this congregation who will sue me for defamation of
character." The effect on the assembled multitude was irresistible, and
he made the impression permanent by taking another text, and never
alluding to the subject again.

SMART WAITER.

THE following story, although latterly related of "a distinguished
Southern gentleman, and former member of the cabinet," was formerly
told, we are _almost_ quite certain, of the odd and eccentric John
Randoph of Roanoke, with certain omissions and additions. Be that as it
may, the anecdote is a good one, and "will do to keep."

"The gentleman was a boarder in one of the most splendid of the New York
hotels; and preferring not to eat at the _table d'hote_, had his meals
served in his own parlor, with all the elegance for which the
establishment had deservedly become noted.

"Being somewhat annoyed with the airs of the servant who waited upon
him--a negro of 'the blackest dye'--he desired him at dinner one day to
retire. The negro bowed, and took his stand behind the gentleman's
chair. Supposing him to be gone, it was with some impatience that, a few
minutes after, the gentleman saw him step forward to remove his soup.

"'Fellow!' said he, 'leave the room! I wish to be alone.'

"'Excuse me, Sah,' said Cuffee, drawing himself stiffly up, 'but _I'se
'sponsible for de silver_!'"

COULDN'T FIND IT OUT.

MR. SLOCUM was not educated in a university, and his life has been in
by-paths, and out-of-the-way places. His mind is characterized by the
literalness, rather than the comprehensive grasp of great subjects. Mr.
Slocum can, however, master a printed paragraph, by dint of spelling the
hard words, in a deliberate manner, and manages to gain a few glimpses
of men and things, from his little rocky farm, through the medium of a
newspaper. It is quite edifying to hear Mr. Slocum reading the village
paper aloud, to his wife, after a hard day's work. A few evenings since,
farmer Slocum was reading an account of a dreadful accident, which
happened at the factory in the next town, and which the village editor
had described in a great many words.

"I declare, wife, that was an awful accident over to the mills," said
Mr. Slocum.

"What was it about, Mr. Slocum?"

"I'll read the 'count, wife, and then you'll know all about it."

Mr. S. began to read:

"_Horrible and Fatal Accident._--It becomes our melancholy and painful
duty, to record the particulars of an accident