sermon, that this was unpardonable, as
people did it with their _eyes open_. Wrapt up in the admiration of his
own discourse, he did not observe that from its tediousness his audience
one by one had slipped away, until there only remained a natural.
Lifting up his eyes, he exclaimed, "What! All gone, except this poor
idiot!" "Aye," says the lad, "and _if I had not been a poor idiot I had
been gone too_."

ECONOMY.

A LADY asked her butler how she might best save a barrel of excellent
small beer; he answered, "By placing a cask of strong beer by it."

A CONSTELLATION OF BULLS.

A letter written during the Irish rebellion.

_My dear Sir_:--Having now a little _peace and quietness_, I sit down to
inform you of a dreadful _bustle and confusion_ we are in from these
blood-thirsty rebels, most of whom are, however, thank God, _killed or
dispersed_.

We are in a pretty _mess_; can get _nothing to eat_, nor any _wine_ to
drink, _except whiskey_; and when we _sit down_ to dinner, we are
obliged to _stand_ with arms in both hands: _whilst I write this letter,
I hold a sword in one hand and a pistol in the other. I concluded_, from
the _beginning_, that this would be the _end_ of it; and I see I was
right, for _it is not half over yet_. At present there is such _goings
on_, that every thing is _at a stand_.

I should have answered your letter _a fortnight ago_, but _it only came
this morning_. Indeed, hardly a mail arrives _safe_, without being
_robbed_. Yesterday the coach with the mails from Dublin was _robbed_
near this town: but the _bags_ had been judiciously _left behind_, for
fear of accidents; and by good luck there was nobody _in the coach_,
except _two outside_ passengers, who had nothing for the thieves to
take.

Last Thursday an alarm was given, that a gang of rebels were advancing
hither, under the French _standard_; but they had no _colors_, nor any
_drums_ except _bagpipes_. Immediately every _man_ in the place,
including _women and children_, ran out to meet them. We soon found our
force _much too little_; and they were _far_ too _near_ for us to think
of retreating; so to it we went: _death_ was _in every face_; but by the
time _half_ our little party was _killed_, we began to be _all alive_.
The rebels fortunately had no _guns_, except _cutlasses and pikes_; and
as we had plenty of _muskets and ammunition_, we put them all to the
_sword_: not a soul of them _escaped_, except some that we