gone some time,
the Khazee said to the old man, "He is long--do you think he has got
there yet?" "No," said the old man; "it is at some distance; he has not
got there yet." "How knowest thou, old man," cried the Khazee, "where
that tree is?" The young man returned and said the tree would not come.
"He has been here, young man, and given his evidence--the money is
thine."

BAD LIGHTS.

AN Irish gentleman, in company, observing that the lights were so dim as
only to render the darkness visible, called out lustily, "Here, waiter,
let me have a couple of dacent candles, that I may see how those others
burn."

PAIR OF SPECTACLES.

TWO brothers having been sentenced to death, one was executed first.
"See," the other brother said, "what a lamentable spectacle my brother
makes! in a few minutes I shall be turned off; and then you will see a
pair of spectacles."

SMART GIRL.

A COUNTRY girl, riding by a turnpike-road without paying toll, the
gate-keeper hailed her and demanded his fee. On her demanding his
authority, he referred her to his sign, where she read, "A man and
horse, six cents." "Well," says she, "you can demand nothing of me, as
this is but a woman and a mare."

CROOKED STICK.

AS a number of persons were lately relating to each other the various
extraordinary incidents which had fallen within their observation, a
traveler attracted their attention by the following: "As I was passing
through a forest, I heard a rustling noise in the bushes near the road:
and being impelled by curiosity, I was determined to know what it was.
When I arrived at the spot, I found it was occasioned by a large stick
of wood, which was so very crooked that it would not lie still."

A CLINCHER.

GRACE GREENWOOD, in speaking of a certain and too fashionable kind of
parental government, in her lecture at Cleveland, a few evenings since,
told this refreshing little story: A gentleman told his little boy, a
child of four years, to shut the gate. He made the request three times,
and the youngster paid no sort of attention to it. "I have told you
three times, my son, to shut the gate," said the gentleman sorrowfully.
"And I've told you _free_ times," lisped the child, "that I won't do it.
You must be stupid."

A MISCONCEPTION.

A BARBER having a dispute with a parish clerk on a point of grammar, the
latter said it was a downright _barbarism, indeed_. "What!" exclaimed
the other, "