to his duty! How the waves rise and dash against
the ship! The air is dark! The tempest rages! Our masts are gone! The
ship is on her beam ends! What next?"

It is said that the unsuspecting tars, reminded of former perils on the
deep, as if struck by the power of magic, arose with united voices and
minds, and exclaimed, "_Take to the long boat._"

BREVET MAJOR.

A NOBLEMAN having given a grand party, his tailor was among the company,
and was thus addressed by his lordship: "My dear Sir, I remember your
face, but I forget your name." The tailor whispered in a low tone--"I
made your breeches." The nobleman, taking him by the hand,
exclaimed--"Major Breeches, I am happy to see you."

ADVERTIZING HIGH.

A TIPSY loafer mistook a globe lamp with letters on it, for the queen of
night: "I'm blessed," said he, "if somebody haint stuck an advertisement
on the moon!"

COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

GOVERNOR S---- was a splendid lawyer, and could talk a jury out of their
seven senses. He was especially noted for his success in criminal cases,
almost always clearing his client. He was once counsel for a man accused
of horse-stealing. He made a long, eloquent, and touching speech. The
jury retired, but returned in a few moments, and, with tears in their
eyes, proclaimed the man not guilty. An old acquaintance stepped up to
the prisoner and said:

"Jim, the danger is past; and now, honor bright, didn't you steal that
horse?"

"Well, Tom, I've all along thought I took that horse; but since I've
heard the Governor's speech, I don't believe I did!"

LARGE SNAKE.

AN Indian came to a certain "agency," in the northern part of Iowa, to
procure some whiskey for a young warrior that had been bitten with a
rattlesnake. At first the agent did not credit the story, but the
earnestness of the Indian, and the urgency of the case, overcame his
scruples, and turning to get the liquor, he asked the Indian how much he
wanted.

"Four quarts," answered the Indian.

"Four quarts?" asked the agent in surprise; "so much as that?"

"Yes," replied the Indian, speaking through his set teeth, and frowning
as savagely as though about to wage war against the snake tribe, "four
quarts--_snake very big_."

DANGERS OF DUSTING; OR, MORE BEAUTIES OF MODERN LEGISLATION.

BOB SMITH and Bill Davis, a couple of boys in the full costume of the
"order" chummy, were charged with the high crime and misdemeanor of
having a