LIEUTENANT O'BRIEN, called _sky-rocket Jack_, was blown up in the Edgar,
but saved on the carriage of a gun. Having got on board the admiral's
ship, all dirty and wet, he said, "I hope, Sir, you will excuse my
appearing before you in this dishabille, as I came away _in such a devil
of a hurry_."
BLINDNESS _vs._ SIGHT.
A BLIND man having hidden a hundred guineas in the corner of his garden,
a neighbor, who observed him in the act, dug them up, and took them. The
blind man, missing his money, suspected who was the thief; but to accuse
him would serve no purpose. He called on him, saying he wished to take
his advice; that he was possessed of two hundred guineas, one hundred of
which he had deposited in a secret spot; now he wished to have his
opinion, whether he should conceal the remainder in the same place, or
if he had better put it in the hands of a banker. The neighbor advised
him, by all means, as the safest way, to hide it along with the rest,
and hastened to replace what he had taken, in the hope of catching
double the sum. But the blind man, having recovered his treasure, took
occasion to tell his neighbor, "Blind as I am, _I can see as far into a
mill-stone as you_."
A RETORT.
A SPENDTHRIFT rallying a miser, among other things, said, "I'll warrant
these buttons on your coat were your great-grandfather's." "Yes,"
answered he, "and I have likewise got my great-grandfather's lands."
A CHRISTIAN PRECEPT.
A PHYSICIAN seeing old Bannister about to drink a glass of brandy, said,
"Don't drink that poisonous stuff! brandy is the worst enemy you have."
"I know that," answered Charles, "but we are commanded _to love our
enemies_."
VANITY HUMBLED.
A CONSEQUENTIAL Scotch laird riding on the footpath of the high road
between Edinburgh and Dalkeith, met a respectable farmer-looking man on
foot, whom he insolently ordered to get out of the way. The other
answered,
"I am in the proper way, while you very improperly ride on the
footpath."
"Do you know, Sir, to whom you are talking?"
"Not I, indeed."
"I am Mr. ----, of ----."
"Very likely."
"And I am one of the trustees for this road."
"Then you are a very bad trustee, thus to misuse the foot-way, and
interrupt passengers."
"You are an impudent scoundrel, and I have a great mind to have you laid
by the heels. What is your name, fellow?"
"_Henry, Duke of Montague._"
A LESSON.
A MISER having he
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