TON, speaking of the rapid manner in which wicked deeds are
perpetrated, said that it only required two _seconds_ to fight a duel.

NON COMMITTAL.

A CALM, blue-eyed, self-composed, and self-possessed young lady, in a
village "down east," received a long call the other day, from a prying
old spinster, who, after prolonging her stay beyond even her own
conception of the young lady's endurance, came to the main question
which brought her thither: "I've been asked a good many times if you was
engaged to Dr. C----. Now, if folks enquire again whether you be or not,
what shall I tell them I think?" "Tell them," answered the young lady,
fixing her calm blue eyes in unblushing steadiness upon the inquisitive
features of her interrogator, "tell them that you think you don't know,
and you're sure it's none of your business."

GRIEF.

A DUTCHMAN having suddenly lost an infant son, of whom he was very fond,
thus vented his inconsolable grief over the loss of his child. "I don't
see wot dit make him die; he was so fatter as butter. I wouldn't haf him
tie for five dollars!"

JUDICIOUS REMARK.

A NEGRO, whom Dr. Franklin brought over from America, observed, that the
only gentleman in this country was the hog--"Everything work: _man_
work, _woman_ work, _horse_ work, _bullock_ work, _ass_ work, _fire_
work, _water_ work, _smoke_ work, _dog_ work, _cat_ work; but the _hog_,
he eat, he sleep, he do nothing all day--he be the only gentleman in
England."

A KNOTTY PUN.

THE late Caleb Whitefoord, seeing a lady knotting fringe for a
petticoat, asked her, what she was doing? "Knotting, Sir," replied she;
"pray Mr. Whitefoord, can you knot?" He answered, "_I can-not._"

RETORT FROM A CHILD.

A VERY diminutive man, instructing his young son, told him if he
neglected his learning he would never grow tall. The child observed,
"Father, did you ever learn anything?"

AN APT SCHOLAR.

"JOHN, what is the past of see?"

"Seen, Sir."

"No, John, it is saw."

"Yes, Sir, and if a _sea_-fish swims by me it becomes a _saw_-fish, when
it is past and can't be _seen_."

"John, go home. Ask your mother to soak your feet in hot water, to
prevent a rush of brains to the head."

CLASSICAL BULL. POPE.

EIGHT callow _infants_ filled the mossy nest,
_Herself the ninth._

ANOTHER. HOME.

BENEATH a mountain's brow, the most remote
And _inaccessible_ by _sheph