e, whose name was Dickey Swivel, alias "Stove
Pipe Pete," was placed at the bar, and questioned by the Judge to the
following effect:

_Judge_: Bring the prisoner into court.

_Pete_: Here I am, bound to blaze, as the spirits of turpentine said,
when he was all a fire.

_Judge_: We'll take a little fire out of you. How do you live?

_Pete_: I ain't particular, as the oyster said when they asked if he'd
be roasted or fried.

_Judge_: We don't want to know what the oyster said or the turpentine
either. What do you follow?

_Pete_: Anything that comes in my way, as the engine said when he run
over a little nigger.

_Judge_: Don't care anything about the locomotive. What's your business?

_Pete_: That's various, as the cat said when she stole the chicken off
the table.

_Judge_: If I hear any more absurd comparisons, I will give you twelve
months.

_Pete_: I am done, as the beef steak said to the cook.

_Judge_: Now, Sir, your punishment shall depend on the shortness and
correctness of your answers. I suppose you live by going around the
docks?

_Pete_: No, Sir. I can't go around docks without a boat, and I hain't
got none.

_Judge_: Answer me now, Sir. How do you get your bread?

_Pete_: Sometimes at the baker's, and sometimes I eat taters.

_Judge_: No more of your stupid nonsense. How do you support yourself?

_Pete_: Sometimes on my legs, and sometimes on a cheer, (chair.)

_Judge_: How do you keep yourself alive?

_Pete_: By breathing, Sir.

_Judge_: I order you to answer this question correctly. How do you do?

_Pete_: Pretty well, thank you, Judge. How do _you_ do?

_Judge_: I shall have to commit you.

_Pete_: Well, you have committed yourself first, that's some
consolation.

CHEAP TRAVELING.

A YOUTH of more vanity than talent, bragging that during his travels he
never troubled his father for remittances, and being asked how he lived
on the road, answered, "_By my wits._" "Then," replied his friend, "you
must have traveled _very cheaply_."

NAUTICAL POLEMICS.

TWO sailors on board of a man of war had a sort of religious dispute
over their grog, in which one of them referred to the _apostle Paul_.
"He was no apostle," said the other; and this minor question, after much
altercation, they agreed to refer to the boatswain's mate, who after
some consideration declared "that Paul was certainly never _rated_ as an
apostle on the books, because he is not in the list, which