ing I liked, he demanded it. It was taken from
me, and given to him, and he was in perfectly good health. One day he
made me mount the top of the coach; then threw me down. By the fall I
was very much bruised. At other times he beat me. But whatever he did,
however wrong, it was winked at, or the most favorable construction was
put upon it. This soured my temper. I had little disposition to do
good, saying, "I was never the better for it."

It was not then for Thee alone, O God, that I did good; since I ceased
to do it, when it met not with such a reception from others as I
wanted. Had I known how to make a right use of this thy crucifying
conduct, I should have made a good progress. Far from turning me out of
the way, it would have made me turn more wholly to Thee.

I looked with jealous eyes on my brother, seeing the difference between
him and me. Whatever he did was considered well; but if there were
blame, it fell on me. My stepsisters by the mother, gained her goodwill
by caressing him and persecuting me. True, I was bad. I relapsed into
my former faults of lying and peevishness. With all these faults I was
very tender and charitable to the poor. I prayed to God assiduously,
loved to hear any one speak of Him and to read good books.

I doubt not that you will be amazed at such a series of
inconsistencies; but what succeeds will surprise you yet more, when you
see this manner of acting gain ground with my years. As my reason
ripened, it was so far from correcting this irrational conduct. Sin
grew more powerful in me.

O my God, thy grace seemed to be redoubled in proportion to the
increase of my ingratitude! It was with me as with a city besieged,
Thou didst surround my heart, and I only studied how to defend myself
against thy attacks. I raised fortifications about the wretched place,
adding every day to the number of my iniquities to prevent Thee taking
it. When there was an appearance of Thy becoming victorious over this
ungrateful heart, I raised a counter-battery, and threw up ramparts to
keep off thy goodness, and to hinder the course of thy grace. None
other could have conquered than Thyself.

I cannot bear to hear it said, "We are not free to resist grace." I
have had too long and fatal an experience of my liberty. I closed up
the avenues of my heart, that I might not so much as hear that secret
voice of God, which was calling me to Himself. I have indeed, from
tenderest youth, passed through a series o