dressed in a religious garb. I was told of terrors of Hell which I
imagined was intended to intimidate me as I was exceedingly lively, and
full of a little petulant vivacity which they called wit. The
succeeding night I dreamed of Hell, and though I was so young, time has
never been able to efface the frightful ideas impressed upon my
imagination. All appeared horrible darkness, where souls were punished,
and my place among them was pointed out. At this I wept bitterly, and
cried, "Oh, my God, if Thou wilt have mercy upon me, and spare me yet a
little longer, I will never more offend Thee." And thou didst, O Lord,
in mercy hearken unto my cry, and pour upon me strength and courage to
serve thee, in an uncommon manner for one of my age. I wanted to go
privately to confession, but being little, the mistress of the boarders
carried me to the priest, and stayed with me while I was heard. She was
much astonished when I mentioned that I had suggestions against the
faith, and the confessor began to laugh, and inquire what they were. I
told him that till then I had doubted there was such a place as Hell,
and supposed my mistress had spoken of it merely to make me good, but
now my doubts were all removed. After confession my heart glowed with a
kind of fervor, and at one time I felt a desire to suffer martyrdom.
The good girls of the house, to amuse themselves, and to see how far
this growing fervor would carry me, desired me to prepare for
martyrdom. I found great fervency and delight in prayer, and was
persuaded that this ardor, which was as new as it was pleasing, was a
proof of God's love. This inspired me with such courage and resolution,
that I earnestly besought them to proceed, that I might thereby enter
into His sacred presence, but was there not latent hypocrisy here? Did
I not imagine that it was possible they would not kill me, and that I
would have the merit of martyrdom without suffering it? Indeed, it
appeared there was something of this nature in it. Being placed
kneeling on a cloth spread for the purpose, and seeing behind me a
large sword lifted up which they had prepared to try how far my ardor
would carry me I cried, "Hold! it is not right I should die without
first obtaining my father's permission." I was quickly upbraided with
having said this that I might escape, and that I was no longer a
martyr. I continued long disconsolate, and would receive no comfort;
something inwardly reproved me, for not having em