off because your wife was dead!"

"Yas, ay gess so."

"And you want to get married again, with your wife only two months
dead?"

"Yas. Ay ain't ban hold no grudge long."

MISSED HIS CHANCE

Before introducing Lieutenant de Tessan, aide to General Joffre, and
Colonel Fabry, the "Blue Devil of France," Chairman Spencer, of the St.
Louis entertainment committee, at the M.A.A. breakfast told this
anecdote:

"In Washington Lieutenant de Tessan was approached by a pretty American
girl, who said:

"'And did you kill a German soldier?'

"'Yes,' he replied.

"'With what hand did you do it?' she inquired.

"'With this right hand,' he said.

"And then the pretty American girl seized his right hand and kissed it.
Colonel Fabry stood near by. He strolled over and said to Lieutenant de
Tessan:

"'Heavens, man, why didn't you tell her that you bit him to death?'"

GREAT RELIEF IN HEAVEN

The following story is from the _Libre Belgique_, the anonymous
periodical secretly published in Brussels, and which the utmost
vigilance of the German authorities has been unable to suppress.

Once upon a time Doctor Bethman-Holweg went up to heaven. The pearly
gates were shut, but he began to push his way through in the usual
German fashion. St. Peter rushed out of his lodge, much annoyed at the
commotion.

"Hi, there, who are you?" he demanded.

"I am Doctor Von Bethman-Holweg, the imperial chancellor," was the
haughty reply.

"Well, you don't seem to be dead; what are you doing around here?"

"I want to see God."

"Sorry," replied St. Peter, "but I don't think you can see him to-day;
in fact, he's not very well."

"Ah, I'm distressed to hear that," said the chancellor somewhat more
politely. "What seems to be the trouble?"

"We don't quite know, but we are afraid it is a case of exaggerated
ego," answered St. Peter. "He keeps walking up and down, occasionally
striking his chest with his clenched fist, and muttering to himself: 'I
am the kaiser! I am the kaiser!'"

"Dear me! that is really very sad," said the chancellor in a still
kindlier tone. "Now I happen to be the bearer of a communication from my
imperial master; perhaps it might cheer him up to hear it."

"What is it?"

"Why, the emperor has just issued a decree, providing that in future he
shall have the use of the nobiliary particle; from henceforth he will
have the right to call himself 'Von Gott'."

"Step right in, your excellency," interrupted St