r, and the officer had his bad temper all complete.
He marched up and down the line, grimly eyeing each man's bundle of
needles and soft soap, and then he singled out Private MacTootle as the
man who was to receive his attentions.

"Toothbrush?" he roared.

"Yes, sir."

"Razor?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hold-all?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hm! You're all right, apparently," growled the officer. Then he barked:

"Housewife?"

"Oh, very well, thank you," said the recruit amiably. "How's yours?"

MANNA

There is a story of Bransby Williams, famous impersonator of Dickens's
characters, which will come home to many of us in these days of food
shortage.

He had a hard time before he "arrived," and hunger was a familiar
companion. One night he had to play in a sketch in which he was supposed
to consume a steak pudding.

"Imagine my surprise," he says, "when a real, good, smoking hot steak
and kidney pudding arrived on the scene. 'My eye!' I exclaimed to
myself. I had to cut it and serve it, and in the ordinary course of
events we should have got through this stage meal in about five or six
minutes.

"But not to-night! I made up my mind that that pudding should not be
wasted, but eaten, and I commenced in earnest. I made the best meal I
had had for days, and improvised conversation till it was all polished
off!"

SHE KNEW HIM

Mr. Budger and his wife were continually at variance regarding their
individual capabilities of making and keeping a good fire. He contended
that she did not know how to make a fire, nor how to keep one after it
was made. She, on the other hand, maintained that he never meddled with
the fire that he didn't put it out--in short, that he was a perfect fire
damper; and, as he was always anxious to stir up things in the varous
fireplaces, she made a practice of hiding the poker just before it was
time for him to come into the house. One night there was an alarm of
fire in the village and Budger flew for his hat and coat.

"Where are you going, my dear?" asked his wife.

"Why, there's a fire, and I'm going to help put it out."

"Well, my love," responded Mrs. Budger, "I think the best thing you can
do is to take the poker along with you."

A GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEME

Two young Irishmen in a Canadian regiment were going into the trenches
for the first time, and their captain promised them five shillings each
for every German they killed.

Pat lay down to rest, while Mick performed the duty of watc