"I suppose you have always lived around here?"

"No," said the old man, "I was born two good miles from here."

HE GOT IT TWICE

They were twins. It was bathing time and from the twins' bedroom came
sounds of hearty laughter and loud crying. Their father went up to find
the cause.

"What's the matter up here?" he inquired.

The laughing twin pointed to his weeping brother. "Nothing," he giggled,
"only nurse has given Alexander two baths and hasn't given me any at
all."

TOO MUCH

One of the Scottish golf clubs gives a dinner each year to the
youngsters it employs as caddies. At the feast last year one of the boys
disdained to use any of the forks he found at his place, and loaded his
food into himself with his knife. When the ice-cream course was reached
and he still used his knife, a boy who sat opposite to him, and who
could stand it no longer, shouted:

"Great Scot! Look at Skinny, usin' his iron all the way round!"

THE DIGNITIES OF OFFICE

This story--which is perhaps true and perhaps not--is being told in many
Italian messrooms. On one of his royal tours, King Victor Emmanuel spent
the night in a small country town, where the people showed themselves
unusually eager in caring for his comfort. So when he had gone to bed,
he was surprised to be wakened by a servant who wanted to put clean
sheets on his bed. However, he waited good-naturedly while it was done,
and wished the servant good-night. He had dozed off to sleep, when he
was roused for the second time by a rap on the door; and the servant
reappeared, asking to change the sheets again.

Naturally, the King asked why the change was made so often. The servant
answered reverently, "For oneself, one changes the sheets every week;
for an honored friend, every day; but for a king, every hour."

FAME

A Long Island teacher was recounting the story of Red Riding Hood. After
describing the woods and the wild animals that flourished therein, she
added:

"Suddenly Red Riding Hood heard a great noise. She turned about, and
what do you suppose she saw standing there, gazing at her and showing
all its sharp, white teeth?"

"Teddy Roosevelt!" volunteered one of the boys.

NO PEACE FOR HIM

Willie was out walking with his mother, when she thought she saw a boy
on the other side of the street making faces at her darling.

"Willie," asked mother, "is that horrid boy making faces at you?"

"He is," replied Willie, giving his coat a tug. "Now,