that no one
had.

"Has any one seen my t-t-trousers?"

No answer.

The unfortunate Tommy scratched his head for a moment.

"Well, I'm jolly g-g-glad I have got a nice w-w-warm pair of
sus-sus-suspenders."

TIT FOR TAT

The young couple were dawdling over a late breakfast after a night at an
ultra smart party.

"Was it you I kissed in the conservatory last night?" hubby inquired.

She looked at him reminiscently: "About what time was it?"

TOO GOOD TO BE WASTED

A lady of great beauty and attractiveness, who was an ardent admirer of
Ireland, once crowned her praise of it at a party by saying:

"I think I was meant for an Irishwoman."

"Madam," rejoined a witty son of Erin, who happened to be present,
"thousands would back me in saying you were meant for an Irishman."

HE UNDERSTOOD

The pale-faced passenger looked out of the car window with exceeding
interest. Finally he turned to his seat mate.

"You likely think I never rode in the cars before," he said, "but the
fact is, pardner, I just got out of prison this mornin' and it does me
good to look around. It is goin' to be mighty tough, though, facin' my
old-time friends. I s'pose, though, you ain't got much idea how a man
feels in a case like that."

"Perhaps I have a better idea of your feelings than you think," said the
other gentleman, with a sad smile. "I am just getting home from
Congress."

TOUCHY

Lysander, a farm hand, was recounting his troubles to a neighbor. Among
other things he said that the wife of the farmer who employed him was
"too close for any use." "This very mornin'," said he, "she asked me:
'Lysander, do you know how many pancakes you have et this mornin'?' I
said, 'No, ma'am; I ain't had no occasion to count 'em,' 'Well,' says
she, 'that last one was the twenty-sixth.' And it made me so mad I jest
got up from the table and went to work without my breakfast!"

THE INTELLIGENT CAT

Two suburban gardeners were swearing vengeance on cats.

"It appears to me," one said, "that they seem to pick out your choicest
plants to scratch out of the ground."

"There's a big tomcat," the other said, "that fetches my plants out and
then sits and actually defies me."

"Why don't you hurl a brick at him?" asked the first speaker.

"That's what makes me mad," was the reply. "I can't. He gets on top of
my greenhouse to defy me."

PRIDE

A little boy was on his knees recently one night, and auntie, staying at
the house,