Shortly afterward one of the sailors who was injured was asked by a
reporter to give an account of it.

"Well, sir," rejoined the jacky, "it was like this: You see, I was
standin' with me back to the gun, a-facin' the port side. All of a
sudden I hears a hell of a noise; then, sir, the ship physician, he
says, 'Set up an' take this,'"

FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS

YOUTH (_with tie of the Stars and Stripes_): I sent you some suggestions
telling you how to make your paper more interesting. Have you carried
out any of my ideas?

EDITOR: Did you meet the office boy with the waste-paper basket as you
came upstairs?

YOUTH: Yes, yes, I did.

EDITOR: Well, he was carrying out your ideas.

NO PLACE FOR HIM

On the western plains the sheepman goes out with several thousand head
and one human companion. The natural result is that the pair, forced on
one another when they least want it, form the habit of hating each
other.

An ex-sheepman while in a narrative mood one evening was telling a party
of friends of a fellow he once rode with. "Not a word had passed between
us for more than a week, and that night when we rolled up in our
blankets he suddenly asked:

"'Hear that cow beller?'

"'Sounds to me like a bull,' I replied.

"No answer, but the following morning I noticed him packing up.

"'Going to leave?' I questioned.

"'Yes,' he replied.

"'What for?'

"Too much argument,'"

IN THE OLD DAYS

Lord Northcliffe at a Washington luncheon was talking about the British
Premier.

"Mr. Lloyd George is the idol of the nation," he said. "It is hard to
believe how unpopular he was, at least among the Unionists, once. Among
the many stories circulated about Mr. Lloyd George's unpopularity at
that time there was one which concerned a rescue from drowning. The
heroic rescuer, when a gold medal was presented to him for his brave
deed, modestly declared:

"'I don't deserve this medal. I did nothing but my duty. I saw our
friend here struggling in the water. I knew he must drown unless someone
saved him. So I plunged in, swam out to him, turned him over to make
sure it wasn't Lloyd George, and then lugged him to safety on my back.'"

TAKING NO CHANCES

A big darky was being registered.

"Ah can't go to wah," he answered in _re_ exemption, "foh they ain't
nobody to look afteh ma wife."

A dapper little undersized colored brother stepped briskly up and
inquired, "What kind of a lookin' lady _is_ yoh wife?"