s taken to see "The Merchant of Venice,"
a play she had witnessed more than thirty years before, and which she
had always had a strong desire to see again. Calling next day, a friend
asked her how the previous night's performance compared with that of
thirty years ago.

"Well," she replied, "Venice seems to have smartened up a bit, but that
Shylock is the same mean, grasping creature that he used to be."

ENOUGH

After all, only a feminine mind can be truly broadminded and make a
correct deduction of a whole from a knowledge of a part. Said a certain
lady in a shop:

"I want a pair of pants for my sick husband."

"What size?" asked the clerk.

"I don't know, but he wears a 14-1/2 collar."

HE OBEYED

A certain woman demands instant and unquestioning obedience from her
children. One afternoon a storm came up and she sent her little son John
to close the trap leading to the flat roof of the house.

"But, mother," began John.

"John, I told you to shut the trap."

"Yes, but, mother--"

"John, shut that trap!"

"All right, mother, if you say so--but--"

"John!"

Whereupon John slowly climbed the stairs and shut the trap. Two hours
later the family gathered for dinner, but Aunt Mary, who was staying
with the mother, did not appear. The mother, quite anxious, exclaimed,
"Where can Aunt Mary be?"

"I know," John answered triumphantly, "she is on the roof."

FAIR WARNING

Andrew Carnegie said:

"I was traveling Londonward on an English railway last year, and had
chosen a seat in a non-smoking carriage. At a wayside station a man
boarded the train, sat down in my compartment, and lighted a vile clay
pipe.

"This is not a smoking carriage," said I.

"'All right, Governor,' said the man. 'I'll just finish this pipe here.'

"He finished it, then refilled it.

"'See here,' I said, 'I told you this was not a smoking carriage. If you
persist with that pipe I shall report you at the next station to the
guard.' I handed him my card. He looked at it, pocketed it, but lighted
his pipe nevertheless. At the next station, however, he changed to
another compartment.

"Calling the guard, I told him what had occurred, and demanded that the
smoker's name and address be taken.

"'Yes, sair,' said the guard, and hurried away. In a little while he
returned. He seemed rather awed and, bending over me, said
apologetically:

"'Do you know, sir, if I were you I would not prosecute that gent. He
has just g