teacher had dealt with painful iteration on the part
played by carbohydrates, proteids, and fats, respectively, in the
upkeep of the human body. At the end of the lesson the usual test
questions were put, among them: "Can any girl tell me the three foods
required to keep the body in health?" There was silence till one maiden
held up her hand and replied: "Yer breakfast, yer dinner, and yer
supper."

SILENT CONTEMPT

A certain man whose previous record was of the best was charged with a
minor offense. Law and evidence were unquestionably on the side of the
defense, but when the arguments had been concluded a verdict of "guilty"
was given and a fine imposed.

The lawyer for the defense was sitting with his back toward the
magistrate. Without changing his position or rising to address the
court, he remarked:

"Judge, please fine me for contempt of court."

The magistrate inquired:

"What d'ye mean, sir? You haven't committed contempt."

"I have," came from the old lawyer. "It's silent."

WHAT DID SOLOMON SAY?

London children certainly get some quaint views of life. An instance of
this recently occurred in an East End Sunday-school, where the teacher
was talking to her class about Solomon and his wisdom.

"When the Queen of Sheba came and laid jewels and fine raiment before
Solomon, what did he say?" she asked presently.

One small girl, who had evidently had experience in such matters,
promptly replied:

"'Ow much d'yer want for the lot?"

HIS ULTIMATUM

Quite recently a warship of the Atlantic Fleet found it necessary to
call for a few hours at a military port on the coast of Ireland. Tommy
Atkins, meeting a full-bearded Irish tar in the street a couple of hours
later, said:

"Pat, when are you going to place your whiskers on the reserve list?"

"When you place your tongue on the civil list," was the Irish sailor's
reply.

A GIFTED YOUTH

Although Alfred had arrived at the age of 21 years he showed no
inclinaton either to pursue his studies or in any way adapt himself to
his father's business.

"I don't know what I will ever make of that son of mine," bitterly
complained his father, a hustling business man.

"Maybe he hasn't found himself yet," consoled the confidential friend.
"Isn't he gifted in any way?"

"Gifted?" queried the father. "Well, I should say he is! He ain't got a
thing that wasn't given to him."

IT HAPPENED IN ILLINOIS

The time was registration day; the place