man by the collar.

"My friend," he said, "you don't seem interested in the world's greatest
authors. May I inquire what your occupation in life is?"

The other man nodded gravely, even austerely.

"Certainly, sir," he replied. "I'm a holiday salesman in Buncum's
Department Store Book Shop."

ONE ON HIM

The code of manners enjoyed by the Germans needs scarcely any further
illumination, but the following incident may serve as further light upon
this threadbare subject.

A physician boarded a crowded crosstown car. A woman was standing, and a
big German seated, sprawling over twice the space necessary. Indignantly
the doctor said to him:

"See here! Why don't you move a little so that this tired woman may have
a seat?"

For a moment the German looked dazed. Then a broad smile spread over his
countenance as he answered:

"Say, dot's a joke on you, all right! Dot's my vife!"

REVEALED

In view of the spirit of comradeship shown between officers and men,
this story is at least open to question, but it may have happened in
some former war.

The lieutenant was instructing the squad in visional training.

"Tell me, Number One," he said, "how many men are there in that
trench-digging party over there?"

"Thirty men and one officer," was the prompt reply.

"Quite right," observed the lieutenant, after a pause. "But how do you
know one is an officer at this distance?"

"'Cos he's the only one not working, sir."

DIAGNOSING HIMSELF

The officer of the day, during his tour of duty, paused to question a
sentry who was a new recruit.

"If you should see an armed party approaching, what would you do?" asked
the officer.

"Turn out the guard, sir."

"Very well. Suppose you saw a battleship coming across the
parade-ground, what would you do?"

"Report to the hospital for examination, sir," was the prompt reply.

IN OUR MELTING POT

During a political campaign in New York a Tammany leader on the East
Side, a self-made man and one not entirely completed yet in some
respects, was addressing a mass meeting of Italian-born voters on
behalf of the Democratic ticket.

"Gintlemen and fellow citizens," he began, "I deem it an honor to be
permitted to address you upon the issues of the day. I have always had a
deep admiration for your native land. I vinerate the mimory of that
great, that noble Eyetalian who was the original and first discoverer of
this here land of ours.

"Why, gintlemen, at me mother