NBEATEN

The sergeant-major had the reputation of never being at a loss for an
answer. A young officer made a bet with a brother officer that he would
in less than twenty-four hours ask the sergeant-major a question that
would baffle him.

The sergeant-major accompanied the young officer on his rounds, in the
course of which the cook-house was inspected. Pointing to a large copper
of water just commencing to boil, the officer said:

"Why does that water only boil round the edges of the copper and not in
the centre?"

"The water round the edge, sir," replied the veteran, "is for the men on
guard; they have their breakfast half an hour before the remainder of
the company."

ACCOUNTING FOR IT

Levi Cohen was looking very dejected. That morning he left the house
with five pounds in his pocket to try his luck at the races, but, alas!
he had returned at nightfall footsore and weary, and nothing in his
possession but a bad half-penny.

No wonder his better half was in a bad temper. "How is it," she snapped,
"that you're so unlucky at the races, and yet you always win at cards?"

"Well, my dear," responded Levi, meekly, "you see, it's this way: I
don't shuffle the horses."

HIS LACK

A keen-eyed mountaineer led his overgrown son into a country
schoolhouse.

"This here boy's arter larnin'," he announced. "What's yer bill o'
fare?"

"Our curriculum, sir," corrected the school-master, "embraces geography,
arithmetic, trigonometry--"

"That'll do," interrupted the father. "That'll do. Load him up well with
triggernometry. He's the only poor shot in the family."

A REVISED CLASSIC

"Now, my dear girl," said Bluebeard, "remember you can go anywhere in
the house but the pantry. That is locked up, and the key will be placed
under the mat. Remove it at your peril."

Consumed with curiosity, Mrs. Bluebeard could scarcely wait until her
husband had cranked his machine before she was trying the key. It fitted
perfectly. She turned it, and entered. Within was the finest collection
of provisions that she had ever seen: at least a hundred dozen eggs
preserved in water, sacks of potatoes, barrels of wheat--in fact, a
complete commissary department.

And then, as she looked out of the window, she gave a faint scream. Her
husband was returning. He had a puncture. She retained her presence of
mind, however, long enough to step to the telephone. Just as she had
finished delivering the message Bluebeard entered.

"Ha