cted the butler of
the house in the art of taking and recording his master's temperature
with a thermometer. On paying his usual morning call he was met by the
butler, to whom he said: "Well, John, I hope the laird's temperature is
not any higher to-day?"

The man looked puzzled for a minute, and then replied: "Weel, I was just
wonderin' that mysel'. Ye see, he deed at twal' o'clock."

HE COULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT

The average foreigner can rarely comprehend the geographical area of the
United States, as was quite fully illustrated by the Englishman and his
valet who had been traveling due west from Boston for five days. At the
end of the fifth day master and servant were seated in the smoking-car,
and it was observed that the man was gazing steadily and thoughtfully
out of the window. Finally his companion became curious. "William," said
he, "of what are you thinking?"

"I was just thinking, sir, about the discovery of Hamerica," replied the
valet. "Columbus didn't do such a wonderful thing, after all, when he
found this country, did he, now, sir? Hafter hall's said an' done, 'ow
could 'e 'elp it?"

GUILTY

The sniper is ever prevalent on the western front. A certain Colonel,
who was by the way quite unpopular with his regiment, was one afternoon
sitting in a shack, when a report was heard and a bullet whizzed over
his head.

Calling a private, he said testily:

"Go out and get that sniper."

The man was gone for some time, but he eventually returned with Fritz.
He had not got him in, however, before he began to belabor him fiercely.

"What are you beating up that Hun for?" asked a comrade.

"He missed the Colonel," whispered the other.

ENVY

Miss Amy Lowell, sister of President Lowell of Harvard, is not only a
distinguished poetess, being by many considered the head of the Vers
Libre school in this country, but she is also the guardian of a most
handsome and stately presence.

Oliver Herford, himself a poet and wit, doubtless inspired by envy,
recently remarked of her that

"One half of Amy Lowell doesn't know how the other half lives."

A GENTLE DISSOLUTION

A couple of Philadelphia youths, who had not met in a long while, met
and fell to discussing their affairs in general.

"I understand," said one, "that you broke your engagement with Clarice
Collines."

"No, I didn't break it."

"Oh, she broke it?"

"No, she didn't break it."

"But it is broken?"

"Yes. She told me what her